The Rantings of a Young Bee

Everyday I'm shuffling.

2011-12-31T18:48:00.000-05:00

The day before the day I was to leave, I went to bed at 7pm. Or I tried. I was lucid at 8 and perhaps even nine but somehow, I woke up at midnight. As per my original plan.

I did some last minute tidying and watched a few episodes of one of the oddest programs ever, An American Horror Story. So convoluted. So messed up. Why do I keep watching! I needed a couple hours of awake and it sure did the trick.

Some hours later I got a call and I rushed to meet my friend and her cab. We talked non stop on the way to the airport and the cabbie tried to con us.
"First person pays full price and the second pays half, he said. 'Malarky!' cried I, and we nipped that nonsense in the bud.

I forced myself awake at the airport, crashed during the plane ride, and bolted from the cabin once I was able. I had a bus to catch and I was petrified of misisng it. Who wants to spend two hours waiting for a second bus because you missed the first?

No one.

I found the bus, inhaled a hot dog, got home, exchanged hugs, defrosted a turkey, baked a squash, ate jollof rice, caught up on W6D3 and drove the fam miles and miles and wound up with a sleek suit jacket sans the pants. That last bit was today.

Jerks took the pants.

Just now, I had a mini dance party. Just me, my brothers and the up tempo beats of Party Rock. The youngest and I showed my other brother how to shuffle. Because das how we do.

Did I mentioned it snowed yesterday?

Also, I had a merry Christmas and I watched Its a Wonderful Life for the first time. Best Christmas break ever.

Here's to 2012 being better than the years before it.

Within

2011-12-12T18:52:00.001-05:00

Palms sweat.

The crowd of mirrors buzzes

softly
like something half forgotten.

Memory.

Her heart is pounding
shoulda, coulda's

She reaches both hands into the sky

and grabs two fists of hope
with A bit of courage mixed in

hops

left foot
to right. She stops

to think, but knows
there is no use.

Hand spread

she breathes a lung full
of insecurities out.

Laces are set
nothing too 'too'

this is the time for 'just right'

Feet in the blocks
A whistle blows or

is it a gun?

It doesn't matter
Thoughts scatter
Vying for the prize
is all there is.

The distant darkness
shows brightly only
when after she has passed.

The crowd is booing.
heckles, snarks
Verbal and emotional pro-
jectiles fly

Her lungs are burning
'round a bend
Someone's in her
peripheral

So legs keep turning
hoping, striving
seconds crawl as
she rushes through

the air and time.
There is no sound

save the constant angry din

Opens her eyes
The constant racing
doesn't end.

Here's to you, if you stick around. Its about to get much muchier.

Slay the Dragons!

2011-12-07T20:31:00.001-05:00

Once, I had two friends come over to my digs so I could change into jeans because my corporate looking slacks were by no stretch of the imagination going to protect me from the cold. I offered them water.

Once, I ate something that I can't even name because its scent reminded me faintly of a rich efo riro** stew. It tasted nothing like it. Twas still good, but not my beloved efo rifo.

I'm looking at the last exam I did in finance and I'm scared I can't top it. Silly. I have no choice. Eeep!

Other things.... I went to a party with curly locs and makeup no one could see.

I went to a holiday party full of executives, ( oh yes. I was the only student), and held my own in conversations.

Feel like I'm running on a treadmill. Every once in a while a kid with a box of doughnuts entices me to get off track. But I'm more on than off these days. Doughnuts a meal do not make.

- This was inspired by a blog I found. Much more random than I.

I've finished procrastinating now. Back to the killing of the things.

Here's to doing what you should, just to get it done.

ps. I don't much like somethings about this new blogger format, but I have no time to worry about that as three dragons* loom and I must cause them to die.

** best type of nigerian stew I ever tasted
* 1 dragon = 1 exam

Giving Thanks

2011-11-28T15:40:00.001-05:00

Thanksgiving.

A time of turkeys, pies, mashed potatoes and relatives. A period of jolloff rice*, moin moin* and party-cut plantain* fried to perfection. Its a day full of discussions about new boots, new news and sitting around to say what you're thankful for, while relatives grumble about hunger pains.

This Thanksgiving, I have a number of things to be thankful for. Sure, I am alive and I have food to eat, a roof over my head and full use of my faculties. But I'm also in a drastically different situation from that of last year. I'm in school, an answer to a prayer I've been beseching God for, for a few years. I've finally gotten over my hangups about needing a buddy and I started running. Sure, the Couch to 5k program is kicking my butt and at times limiting my ability to breathe... Still, though I've only just finished the third week, I'm feeling more grateful every time I run. More productive, more like a person who is striving towards the life she wants to acheive. We'll see what I say when it starts to snow.

There are many more things that I am appreciative for, but I'm not going to broadcast them across the internet. I've learned that anonymity isn't really as the word means and the best way to keep something a secret, is to resist the urge to talk about it.

I will say that my life isn't all roses. I procrastinate more than I ever have, likely from one silly, irrational fear or the other. But I'm working on it. I'm killing that habit one day at a time.

I met new cousins I didn't know I had and was given a day pass into their lives. I've gotten over wishing I was someone else. I've realized that being the best version of myself is a blessing, so I've tried to be that La Reine. Procrastinate-y or Angry or Whiny La Reine needs a stern talking to and needs to find her seat.

I don't wear a crown to hide it under self induced imperfections. I wear it in the sun, so it can shine.

-Here's to being thankful, being prayerful and realizing just how blessed you are.

*Just a sample of the great Nigerian food I had this Thanksgiving

The Vexing

2011-11-03T19:09:00.000-04:00

All cold and no heat make Bee go crazy...

She's only smiling because the cold is Outside

This is November.
I recall a freak snow storm that excited students who had never seen snow before so much that they reached out to touch it.

I was freezing back in September.

Coming from a part of the world that's practically next door to the equator, and starting school on the east coast in the Fall was in a word, Difficult.
I've been wearing layers since I got to school and I still have classmates who wore just a T-Shirt to school this morning. I get it. I'll acclimatize eventually.

For now, at the very least, I'd appreciate some heat.

In my apartment, heat is included in the rent. For the first few months, I got over the lack of heating and took the fact that I was uncomfortable as my body's cells yearning for the caress of the sun. But Now, with snow around the corner? Me thinks its time for a wee bit of warm.

The day the radiator first rumbled and the heat started, I must have been the happiest happy room owner in the land. Spaces were thick with radiator love and I was feeling it. What I was not feeling was the way the radiator sounded like it housed a large man with a wrench and a vengeance, gunning for me-life. Similarly, my roommate wasn't feeling the leaking radiator on her side of the apartment, or how it caused the floor beneath it to buckle.

So we called maintenance. And in a Mighty Mouse-esque display 'In the maintenance man came to save the day' He brought new knobs and replaced old ones. He spoke radiator-speak as we danced a 'no more problems' jig and thought all was well.

Until the evening. When we realized that we no longer had heat. A quick call told us stories of a backlog and a wait-list, I guess when some people fail, they like to fail all the way. My roommate slept in a wool sweater that night. I opted for an oversized sweatshirt and a cocoon-like sleeping arrangement.

The next day, I woke up and rushed out with more that half a thought to the looming cold that swirled around me and took me captive when I slept. I went to school and cut through the weeds of classes and team meetings and felt like I barely made a dent. Exhausted, I went home to practice my part of the presentation my team was working on. I kept my coat and scarf on.

As the night went on, I started to shiver, and trudged away at my task. By 1 am my leg was practically ricocheting on a hinge, in a failed attempt to kept me warm. When I could no longer concentrate for lack of warmth and excessive movement, I went to bed.

By this I mean I simply removed my scarf and coat and dove under my comforter, boots and all, in a last ditch effort to not freeze. I can comfortably say it was my most miserable weather related to date. Sweating bullets in Naija* has nothing on a night on the east coast without heat in November.

A Day Later we found out that the 'heaven sent' maintenance man forgot to reset the boiler.
For the entire building.

Apparently the other tenants are from Siberia.

Here's to fleece and wool, without which....

*Naija, if you didn't know, is slang for Nigeria. The country.

October 15th! - Day of Awesome

2011-10-28T07:54:00.001-04:00

Its 11.04 and October 15th is nearing its end.
I managed to kill some tasks, wound others and eat some baked squash and crunchy fried noodles.

Take aways:
If you’re going to go shopping with a shopping list, don’t leave your shopping list in the car.
Music is still awesome and good music is Choice.
If you break a set of tweezers in half you can pry a penny from the thingie we all plug our car chargers and gps's into, and have just enough room for your daughter to pull it free.
Mom wants nothing to do with a scarf that actively tries to mess up her hair. Take note Infinity Scarves.
When in hunger, the nearest Chinese restaurant will do and the first thing on the menu shall be delicious.
One’s rental car should be checked for compatibility with ones Nuvi or Garmin or other GPS directional aide.
Explaining why your smartphone isn’t smart is hella annoying. (You see, I can piggyback on wifi, but...)
All boots were made for walking, and mine made my feet hurt.
If you aren’t going to sing along with the department store jams while dancing as you try on clothes in the dressing room, don’t get mad if I do.
Elizabeth and James. Feather light dresses and tops. Yes.
Two lost, hungry women in a car with warm sweet and sour chicken requires at best, a decent radio station.
Aint nothing like a bed with two chocolates on the pillow after a night of turtleneck shopping, life hugging and being lost for 30 minutes, 5 minutes from your destination.

Is it weird that I’m seriously considering banning myself from writing to do lists?I think I’ll make To Kill lists instead.

Here's to organization.
*says the 2 week late blog post-er*

Hug All the Things

2011-10-15T01:20:00.008-04:00

That vision of yumminess is the Red Kuri Squash I baked at 11.45pm Friday.
Tastes delicious.

Oh the things!
I read a hilarious blog post about procrastination. It was essentially a cartoon strip and one panel had the main character skipping merrily, doing chores and eventually screaming 'Clean All the Things!' I have yet to get the turn of phrase out of my head and I do believe I will say it until its good and dead. :D

Today, though it is getting towards 2am on a Saturday and I'm looking at a to do list of homework that I'm about to finish Killing, is shaping up to be an awesome day. I woke up slightly crooked yesterday and threw a lavish pity party all morning. I did somehow surface to attempt to cheer up a friend, who was having his own pity party. After failing to assist in any way I said to myself, 'Hey Self, this pity party is Ova!' (said in the manner of Barney Stinson)

I clicked away on my computer, surfed waves on the Internet and thoroughly neglected to do any work. Indeed, Friday the 14th was a day of grand procrastination. Sure, I got some things done. But I also watched a excessive amount of YouTube videos, spent way too much time attending to my Tweet Deck and I read more useless articles than you could shake a stick at.*

Naturally at 9.55pm, the Sit and Whine Pity Party reared its head again. After acknowledging the beautifully dank whole I had dug myself into, I eventually got over it and set at the Squash. Somewhere mid seed-scoop, my mother called to let me know she was downstairs. Oven pre-heating I leapt down the stairs like a gazelle** and carried a moderately luggage back up.

Lo and behold, the contents of the luggage were mine. Shirts I knew, skirts I missed and suits I need were nestled snugly together and I dug in as though there would be no end. Eventually there was an end and I reached the bottom luggage. Exhausted with travelling and the riveting tour of my apartment, my Mother said goodnight and set off for her hotel.

As I cleaned up squash bits and scrubbed the baking pan back to perfection, I couldn't help thinking that today was going to be awesome. Or, Legen.....
....wait for it...
...
...
Dary. :)

Its like Christmas and my Birthday had a baby. And that baby is October 15th.

Here's to new faces and places. And hugging the living goodness out of life. Somebody has to...

* Really, what does this even mean?
**If the gazelle was a bit awkward and almost fell three times.

0 to 6 miles

2011-08-23T07:39:00.005-04:00

I had a birthday, my locs are a year old and I started grad school. #milestones

I'm in a new climate, new time zone, trying out new places and meeting new faces.

Of course, this in no way stops me from doing silly old things.

Like attempting to run with people who have been running for years. For a 4 to 6 mile trail. I didn't even make it to the 1.4 miles I 'ran' with my brother. They were leaving me in dust practically before the word GO! One of the seasoned marathoners dropped back to see if I was alright. When I told him my ...situation, through wheezes and gasps for air, he said "So you tried to go from 0 to 6 in one day?" Honestly, smart people get dumb moment passes. I think.

I feel I have no choice but to find a plan that helps me pace myself. Lord knows I don't know what I'm doing.

I want to run, not die trying.

Here's to time management. I'm going to need it.

Talk and Run?

2011-07-28T15:59:00.004-04:00

"So if you can't Talk and Run, what then?"

Ever since I landed on this side of the Atlantic, I've wanted to lace up my running shoes and get my groove back. My dilemma? My trusty sneakers gave up the ghost. After an extended shopping( read: browsing) period, I finally picked up a pair. Enter a bit of negotiation and my younger brother, and Track Team member, agreed to accompany me on a run. We decided on a 2 mile circuit; one mile out, then back to where we started. Easy-peasy, I thought. We stretched, talked shop, and I got an idea of where we'd be going.

Once we got out of the door, we were momentarily distracted by a handful of ants that were trying to make lunch of a small caterpillar. Then we began.

And so began The Hurt. I was barely running, it was more like a slow jog of drudgery. My legs quickly turned to rubber and my breaths were shallow, at best. My legs transformed into rubber logs and I'm pretty sure I jogged in a sort of forward leaning, hunch-backed manner. Our course was shortened from 2 to 1.4 miles; and at times I'm not sure how I kept in motion.

By the time we got back home, I couldn't really breathe without gasping. Even after a shower and a change of clothes, I still felt like my body was going full speed ahead when all I wanted to do was lay down.

As much as it sucked, I'd love to get back into shape. I'm sure if I wasn't so caught up in trying to breathe, I would have really enjoyed the scenery.

I'll probably do a wee jog around the block tomorrow morning.

Here's to trying.
And here's to Myne for the vote of confidence. Thanks a lot :)

Taxi's Here are White and Shiny

2011-07-14T10:09:00.012-04:00

So, this is the continuation of Wow, il est Hot...
(which was somehow lost. Essentially after a night of little sleep we; got flight for the same airline-but in the afternoon, ran into a Hottie - multiple times, experienced the worst turbulence Ever and tried to sleep mid flight. In a nutshell.)

So, A and I land in an empty, Langolier-esque airport. It wasn't clear where we should go next, people who were supposed to be helping seemed to think we had been there before and said things like ' Just go outside'.

I'm in a foreign country and you can't understand me, telling me to go downstairs fails to be an appropriate direction, Thank You!

Despite those that seemed like thy didn't care and were extremely unhelpful, we got to where we needed to be. Thank God we got help from people who Were, indeed, helpful.

We were directed to a queue sprinkled with people we recognized from the flight. Once at the front, we were told in fabulously spanish-tinted english that we would receive a hotel voucher for two people. Two dinners. Two breakfasts.

We found the bus by trial and error. Essentially, we tromped along the entire length of the bus lot and doubled back to the sign that had our hotel's name on it. Then we were called by the driver of a bus that in no way seemed to be connected to the hotel named in our voucher.

He proceeded to mention the hotel by name and the herd of bus-waiters turned in a spirited effort to board.

I kept my overstuffed carry on with me and A did the same. The seats were much smaller than I expected and if not for the enchanting views of Where I have Never been Before, I might have been very uncomfortable.

As we approached the hotel the clock was approaching midnight. Twas 20 minutes shy. Outside you might have thought it was 8pm. Sidewalk cafe's were full of people ordering and eating food. I even saw a woman walking her dog.

When we got to the hotel we stood in a long queue under a mirrored ceiling and waited for our rooms. After collecting our key card, we were directed to dinner.
Dinner was soup, bread, an apple, fries and fried fish.

After that we went to our European hotel room and I had to go back down to the lobby to receive instruction as to how to turn on the light.

Ah, the hotel room - if I'm ever Madrid again, I'll know a great hotel to freeze in. Not sure why, but even on high '30C' we couldn't get the heat to work.

Somehow, we woke up on time, saw a Simple Plan feat, Natasha Bedingfield video, was another for a song called Lady Gaga, enjoyed a great buffet style breakfast, learned (in good time) that the bus would not in fact take us to the airport, got a cab - whose fare was 18.90 + 5.50 tip (euros) that was covered by the airline/hotel.

We got to the airport later than we should have, considering the ridiculous line. Finally we checked our luggage and rushed to send email's at a portal. I literally used 6 minutes of a 9min waste of a euro trying to sign into my yahoomail before giving up and going with hotmail instead. A was looking at me like I'd make us miss our flight. So, mail sent, we mosey on over to the gate, expecting a ten minute wait before boarding.

Of course, this flight was also delayed.

Here's to paid for hotel stays and comfortable shoes.

Airlines, Hotels and Ish...Oh My!

2011-07-12T19:18:00.000-04:00

I did some flying recently, A and I. Thank God for online check-in.

Because I got to the airport late. And as I was told repeatedly by airport staff who must have been ticked off at the Last person they spoke to, 'You should have come on time'.

Nothing like a face full of obvious to get you going.

Upon arrival at the gate, after missing the gate (as the number and letter on my ticket was Not, in fact synonymous with the number and letter boldly displayed in the place where the plane was), I realized I was not only late, but the plane was too.

Lucky ducky.

I stood with a mass of families, business people, students and etc... We watched our late plane churn out luggage like a large creature with the runs. The seemingly unending flow of boxes and baggage was a constant reminder of the time we had lost.

Eventually, the Jumpsuit people on the other side of the window started feeding bags into the plane. It was like watching an odd assembly line chain where what went in was not what came out. After an hour that felt like forever, I heard a deepening ruckus and saw a balance shift in the tired crowd. Someone somewhere was saying something that was not being received well.

I pushed forward and stared moodily at the woman who was struggling to hear the accent of a fellow passenger. As she formulated her reply, one I would hear multiple times that night, one thing became painfully clear. We would not be flying that night.

The best I could hope for was a hotel bed with my name on it.

An unending stream of useless argumentative whining and shuffling later, I finally made it to the hotel. (Complete with my now too heavy carry on bag that, I am proud to say, housed around three changes of clothes.)

After surveying the room A and I made sure we got every amenity that was offered. Twice. Soap, towels, tissue paper. I got two large Eva water bottles and deux cartons of Five Alive. Just because.

A asked for rice and I ordered three wraps of Iyan just to spite the airline. It was after midnight when they brought A's rice.

Sometime after 1am, they grudgingly produced my food.

It was Tuwo.

...to be continued

If Iyan's a 10, then Tuwo's a 3. Its my opinion. The only thing worse would have been a tepid plate of Fufu.

Accepting Sugabelly's Language Challenge

2011-07-04T13:16:00.003-04:00

I heard about a Blogger Language Challenge and thought I'd give it a try.

The originators' link is HERE:

It was really cool to hear the entries and how intouch the bloggers seemed to be with their roots. Though its a day late and on Independance day no less, here's my entry into the Challenge. What a better way to express the freedoms we have in one country than the ability to converse(or try to converse) in the tongue of another.

About myself, my parents are Nigerian and I was raised in America. I did go to Nigeria in my youth and I learned the Ijebu-Ode dialect, but that was lost, sadly, as I no longer had the constant communication with my Grandmother to sharpen my skills. When I reached 18, I shuttled between Nigeria and America more often. I spoke almost entirely in English though I did improve my understanding of Yoruba, and Pidgin. Anyway, hope you enjoy my video...

Let's just say, if there are going to be prizes....I wouldn't get one...

Here it goes.

Translation...of sorts:

Good morning....
I don't speak at all....My Yoruba isn't good at all.... Its very weak. I don't practice at all....I don't like....all this....thing?

My Yoruba is very weak.

Last night I was very hungry. I made Efo(vegetable stew). I made vess with dry fish and spinach and collard greens. I used it to make vegetable stew
I washed it(the greens), cut it and boiled it with pepper.
......
...
My vegetable stew, ...I made, was very sweet! My Mom and my sister ate it, with amala.
I like amala alot. Especially with vegetable stew.

My Yoruba is rusty. Really!!
I need practice... Right?

If you want to join, Please Do! Languages are what connect us. Why not do a post of your own? Just don't forget

THE RULES:

1. It DOES NOT MATTER how well you can speak your language. The goal is to speak regardless. So don't worry if you don't speak that well or you have to include lots of English words. ALL language levels are welcome.

2. Video posts or Audio posts are strongly preferred. This is because the point is to hear and enjoy the spoken language. Written posts are frowned upon but will be accepted too. ^_^

3. Please always provide a translation for your readers of other ethnicities! Translations should be in English and can be in the form of captions under a video post, or written transcripts for audio and written posts.

4. Please tag each participating post as - language challenge - and post the link here in the comments so I can link to it and make all of them easy to find.

5. Please encourage other Nigerian bloggers to post in Nigerian languages.

Sleep

2011-06-12T23:47:00.001-04:00

Something
about the way I wake up
too early on Monday mornings,

Thinking much too much ..about nothing
And seriously trying to recall that
Last dream.

Something
about the night shift and driving home
to sleep...

At 5am.

I'm thinking;
What time zone is my body on?
How many International Datelines course through me?

Perhaps
Its the thoughts I don't write down
The Do This, Now'S that slip right by me

Or
The memories that tiptoe 'round my consciousness? Those that dredge To Do lists up. The 'Hmm' & 'What if?'
Thoughts.

Something
Something.

Maybe its the Dreams that keep me from going back
To sleep.

-Here's to old friends, new beginnings and acting on your dreams.

Ah, Weddings.

2011-05-08T13:25:00.003-04:00

I recall that when I started this blog I did a 3 post discourse on weddings. Some postulated that I had a fun social life that included getting dolled up and driving far distances in order to watch family, acquaintances and possibly strangers tie the knot. The truth is, before I crossed the threshold in to my Mothers' home that summer, she had already planned the tri-weekend extravaganza that became perfect fodder for my budding blog.

Just this weekend, I electronically bumped into a friend from Blogsville, as it were. So I think a wedding rant is just what nostalgia ordered. Don't you?

So. A couple weeks back I had an Office Wedding. Truly, I had never ventured into such woods before but I figured I'd have fun. I set out with my sister well past the time the vows were said and headed towards the venue. Then I took a wrong turn and ended up on the highway to Not Anywhere Close To Where I Was Going.

I continued on, fearful of attempting to circle back to where I should be and instead ending up Woefully Lost. When I got to the Road Most Comfortable, where I Knew I could turn, I was met with the more traffic than I could have imagined possible for a Saturday afternoon.

There I was, stewing and melting in my halter dress with a wee blue feather hat perched just so, late for the reception and trapped in traffic. So, I did a bit of griping and my sister told me to calm down. The traffic eased up, I took my exit back to where I started from.

Of course by then I realized that I had forgotten something at home. So I raced back home so my sis could dash back in a pick up my brothers' damaged PSP. Then we headed off (in the right direction this time) and ended up waiting for 10-15minutes for the Knight in Shining IT to pick up said PSP for repairs.

Two U turns later we were at the venue, battling for parking and noticing the fascinated humor with which people were taking in my little blue 'hat'.

We got in the hall to see all my coworkers sardined packed at a table with no possibility of room for more. So, we wandered until we found an empty table, complete with two grandpas and a grandma who urged us to get something to drink.

Later, on a fact finding mission, I discovered space at the Sardine Tin Table and my sister and I settled in just before I was pulled to the side to search for more colleagues. That was a rip-roaring adventure all by itself.

Amidst work buddies trying to chat up my sister, rolling my eyes at the MC's jokes, hustling for food and drink, dancing with the bride and groom and generally observing how creatively women style the same 6 yards of ankara into vastly different outfits, I had a great time. And I wish this new couple all the happiness their union can bring.

On to the next! And may I get to the church on time.

For the record, though I missed the pivotal 'You may now kiss the bride', the MC did call out the happy couple for a smooch fest. As the kiss lengthened and arms tightened, I recollected that this was no Edward*-style peck.

-Here's to twitter. And re-connecting with old friends.

*the cheek kissing 'stud'

Today is Mother's Day

2011-05-08T13:07:00.001-04:00

I love spaghetti. You might think I had an Italian babysitter at some point in my childhood. I rarely order anything other than pasta when I go to a restaurant and perfecting pasta sauce is just one way I relax.

Once, in my much younger days, when it was just my Mother and I at home, she made spaghetti and piled it on my plate. So I ate, gleefully and hurriedly. Then I asked for more. And in her quiet knowing way she looked at me and asked if I was sure. I nodded, I pleaded. I'm still hungry, I'm not full.

So she obliged me. Sometime later there was clean up and inevitably bed time. I'd like to imagine that I was having an awesome dream; something that would be screen worthy if I could ever recall enough to write it down. But that is not my point.

Sometime in my sleep I threw up. By association, I also woke up. Tomato sauce, beef chunks and spaghetti goodness decorated my pillow and bed like an Impressionists era painting. Groggily I went to wake my mother. Sleepily she took in the damage, cleaned me up and set me in her bed.

I slept quite peacefully after that. No doubt my mom spent quite a deal of time cleaning my upchuck before heading back to bed herself. In my selfish, young child way, I didn’t even say thank you.

Before that day and since, my Mom has been a shining example of the type of person I want to be. If I can be half the woman she is, I will be more than alright.

Thank you for all the advice, help, love and glances that have made me the person I am today. I hope to learn even more from you in the years to come.
Happy Mothers’ Day, Mom. I love you.

-Here’s to all the Mom’s and Mom’s to be.

Insomnia Rants

2011-03-07T17:03:00.004-05:00

I really shouldn't let a month go by before I write. Working on a story.
I've started, but Writers Block afflicts. And so:

A Poem - Written in Lethargy

A wee bird waddles,
roundabout-ly shuffling its feet along.
First the one, and then the other chubby bird claw pushes forward.

The wee bird preens and puffs and chirps its happy
birdie big bird song.

And then 'le sigh' and off to sleep,
for le wee birdie sings alone.

Here's to little bite sized snack foods that are good for you. They make those, right?

Nuggets From the Wise

2011-02-06T07:42:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, I attended a Career and Leadership Retreat organized by Phonersis Consulting. Though, I am pretty sure it was a seminar. I'm not quite sure how one retreats by listening to speakers, taking notes and generally having their mind incited turn its wheels and stretch its limitations. Perhaps, of course, I should consult a dictionary.

The speakers were Tunde-Success Osideko - pastor and head of Phonersis Consulting, Ndidi O. Nwuneli - founder/director of LEAP Africa, Ngozi Obigwe from LEAP Africa, Lanre Olusola – Life Coach/Health Therapist/Catalyst and Jimi Tewe from Inspiro Solutions.

I arrived late and was more than a little apprehensive about walking into a group of already seated people, in the middle of a presentation no less. I felt the journey from the door to a seat was entirely too long and too noisy. I settled in just as Tunde-Success asked the room what they believed the future trends of employment would be. It was a lively discussion that had many taking notes and coming up with rebuttals or confirmations to the ideas of others.

I took notes between the lines and among many wrote down Diversity and Integration as I whispered counter attacks to my friend. She suggested I contribute to the discussion but I had not sufficiently acclimated by that point...

The discussions were finished when Mrs. Ndidi O. Nwuneli burst through the door in a easy manner that was echoed in her presentation. She spoke of the importance of defining what success means for you, differentiated between a Job and a Career and gave tips for survival along lifes' path. A former gardener, librarian and waitress, Ndidi was an Accountant and a Management Consultant before initiating her NGO's: The Fate Foundation and LEAP Africa. As she spoke of her experiences I wrote a question down and when the time came, filled a page with her answers and my observations about it.

Ngozi Obigwe came briefly to bring the group a fun, silent teamwork exercise which built upon topics the first speaker mentioned. After discussing observations about the game we indulged ourselves by browsing over and buying books as well as eating the lunch provided by the Phonersis Consulting.

Tunde-Success came back quickly with the “Psychology of Performance” and outlined the difference between the kind of workers that are easily replaced, and those who are hard to cast away.

Next, Lanre Olusola stood up and put his prepared presentation to the side. Our discussion would instead be birthed from the wants of the group and perhaps, where the Spirit would lead. A woman raised the issue of being deathly afraid of public speaking. He led her through a path of realization and had her to marry the times she had done well in the past, with the possibility of doing well in the future – at the task she so feared. At the end, with some prodding, she gave a entertaining talk about her love of the 100M dash and support for Usain Bolt. All this without so much of an appearance of nervousness, not to mention fear.

After that, Lanre answered the groups' query, “How do I start/build a sustainable business?” by challenging us to state what made us want to start one in the first place. As our answers were exposed as flimsy and not well thought out – we were given more questions to guide us through a process of self-discovery: a crucial step towards determining what ones' life should be. We were left somber and thoughtful as a depth of realization hit us. I for one struggled internally with what fully knowing would truly mean.

The last speaker, Jimi Tewe, talked about turning Passion into Profit, using himself, Mo Abudu – host of Moments with Mo, Uche Eze - founder of Bella Naija and others as case studies. He gave reasons why it makes sense to make your passion your livelihood and gave us even more questions to answer. He also spoke of self-discovery, as a foundation, and the other components to bring anyone to Career Success. Through it all he had the group in stitches at his anecdotes and witticisms.

Afterward, I was asked if I liked the program. I certainly do not regret the time and money spent, or rather, Invested. I thought a lot, wrote a lot and learned a lot. If I only make the strides to answer all the questions that were asked of us and act on the inspiration I was given, I have no doubt that I will move further and be better of because it.

There is one last thing: After a group picture and my feeble five minute 'attempt' at getting his card, my friend graciously told Jimi that I was shy. To which he replied, 'Shy people don't make profit.'

To find out more about the speakers and what they represent:

Tunde Osideko – www.phonersisconsulting.com
Ndidi Nwuneli & Ngozi Obigwe – www.leapafrica.org
Lanre Olusola – www.olusolalanre.com
Jimi Tewe – www.inspirosolutions.com

Journey

2011-01-10T07:15:00.001-05:00

The wind was blowing.

She couldn't hear it but she Knew it must be. The thick gray dust could not will itself to whirl dervish-like into the sky and careen rapidly downwards again.

"They must be howling", she thought. She vaguely felt the ricocheting rapping of her layered clothes against her body. Her scarf dug into her neck, ferociously whipping behind her. She blinked, not for necessity, but out of habit. None of the foul dust streaming towards her could get through the visor over her face. Just as no sounds would touch her now.

She turned her head to the left and shifted the bag hanging on her shoulder, securing the scarf as she did. The bright lights of Comfortable were piercing through the gloom, enticing her to return. Her lean neck stiffened slightly as her thumb brushed a dial and she considered switching off the device in her hand.

"Just for a moment."

She paused, thumb poised on the dial, imagining the slight warmth of those artificial lights. She had heard the stories about the Wind of the Inbetween and how it could echo what was in the darkest parts of the heart. How it would taunt all who stood among the dust with shrill warnings of danger as they pressed on, and contrast this with eerie soft whispers to 'Come back' and 'Return'.

"Only rumors."

She shook her head, bent to unfasten a trouser pocket and secured the remote inside. She would not turn it on until she reached the mountains in the distance. She had no desire to hear what the nether regions of her heart had to say.

Not now. Not again.

Her clear brown eyes squinted. She knew the path ahead would harbor things more terrible than a haunting wind. But she would not go back. The promise of what lay beyond the mountains was too great.

--~ Here's to you ... dropping a holla, in my comment box. --~

Errands

2010-12-11T15:55:00.005-05:00

I should write every day. Fits in with where I see myself in xx years.

The other day my Dad woke me up at 8am, (twas a Saturday) telling me I had to help him. Said I had to get to an office and pick something up. He gave me the receipts and xyz and told me they'd close at 10.

Gave me a 'map' with the least descriptive directions imaginable and sent me on my way.

Needless to say, I got lost - twice. Thankfully I was able to find my way back to where I was coming from and over to where I was going.

Surprisingly, I got to the office a little after 10 (they closed at noon) and was given number 218 on a wee slip of paper. I then proceeded to wait for my number to be called. The digital display to my left read 201.

"I'll be out in a jiffy", I thought. "No need to worry about my short sleeved top", I mused.

Two hours later, I was sniffling and glaring at the display, mocking me as it read 217. In order to attend to paying customers, the normal queue had stopped and those in need of bank services took prescient.

By the time they finally deemed it fit to change the display number to 218, I was trying desperately to keep my rattling to a minimum , and failing miserably. After a few moments I was informed that my receipts of payment, though very much in order, were for amounts less than needed.

Of course the banks had closed by then.
Of. Course.

By the time I got home it was the after noon.
(fin)

When was the last time you went on an fully useless journey or errand running mission? Do tell.

Here's to those Snood Scarf/hood things. Tres cute.

Glessons !

2010-11-17T08:18:00.000-05:00

Lessons...from Glee... I'm clever.

On account of the fact that this post is inspired by Glee. The hit show you may have heard of?

Two things.
1. How bummed am I that I in a place where the best I can do is get twitter and imdb.com spoilers during or after each episode? Tres bummed. Lets not get into my 'internet connect', aye?

But change is constant and your present isn't necessarily your future.

Lesson?
Grin, bear it, suck it up, strive for gold and geterdone! Positivy rocks, innit?

2. The lastest episode, The Subsitute, aired on the 16th.
It closed with a mash-up (what a suprise) of 'Singing in the Rain' (a great song AND movie, no clue what those Glee youngin's were rolling eyes about) and 'Umbrella'

According to Twitter, this idea was either inspired or evidence of heavy drug use. Brilliant or ridiculous in its stupidity.

Lesson?
Do You! Not everyone will like it, not everyone will hate it. But you're the only one you have to live with.

I'm off to recall just how hilarious Sue Sylvester is and tell a internet friend to Totally try and get on the show.

Here's to good hygiene and posture. You really don't want to be without either, no matter how rich you get.

The Pee- king Lot

2010-10-07T22:05:00.001-04:00

-I'm Vexed.

At my Office, when you bring your car to work. You have to park it.

Its really quite revolutionary.

When I get into to work, at times under the rapidly increasing cover of night (Because I'm cool like that) I park. In the parking lot.

Obviously.

So the point to this ramble is that every day, when I leave the office and go back to the parking lot, to maneuver my car out of its wee rectangle and begin the radio-filled journey home....

Every, single time....

I am hit with a wave of stench that can only be caused by Multiple Streams of Concentrated Urine.

Menfolk of some class that should be white collar, At least, seem to find the little strip of concrete where I park my car ( I'm talking about a 4-5 car space here) a Prime location to empty their bladders.

Even though its right beside an eatery that Most Certainly has the facilities to take care of the management of such bodily functions.

Instead, they turn my section of the parking lot into a pee-king lot. Every time I get to my car I practically race to open to door get in and start it while holding my breath, praying and hoping that I haven't stepped in any Human Waste. Ew.

#Endofrant

August

2010-08-14T17:03:00.002-04:00

August.
It can mean Grand and such when pronounced as 'A Gust of Wind'.
The more common meaning is that of the month we're in. The month of Leo and Sagittarius, Fire signs, if you follow the stars and hope they'll tell you who you are.

The 'most awesome' or 'best' month, at least in my book, at least up until less than a few years ago.
As one of the worlds' August Babies, a motley crew of old, young and new souls that were conceived in our parents attempts to stay warm in the winter-est last month of the year. (Maybe.)
I used to laud the approach of the 8th month.
With it came cake, the possibility of gifts, promises of 'Birthday licks'. Of course there is the oft overlooked 'Getting Older', which was never in tandem with 'Getting Wiser'.

As I sit, past work hours, pecking away at an office computer - waiting in semi-vain hope for a free ride of some appreciable sort, I reminisce on Birthdays Past.

There was the McDonalds, face painting extravaganza, complete with Ronald McDonald; lest I forget the various forays to the land of Chuck E'Cheese's.
As time passed, a cake and cards were the most to be expected. Of course the kind optometrist never forgot. Neither did the dentist, come to think of it. Sure, those cards were basically postcards with my name and address affixed. The more the merrier I thought, until the inevitable chucking time...

The most memorable of my semi-adult life was my 18th birthday. It nipped at the heels of an Graduation Open House and like a serendipitous chance encounter with a near& dear old friend, it would not have happened the way it did at any other time.

Since then, the inescapable 'coming nearer' of a birthday no longer holds promises of what joys may come. Rather, they mark in Bold Helvitica font, size 152 'how far I Have Not gone. Highlighting the mistakes that brought me to where I am and taunting me, singsonging
'Shoulda,Coulda,Woulda'.

My most recent birthday went virtually unmarked, thank God for technology. People get those nifty Facebook alerts and take the trouble to 'Happy Birthday Girl' you like they remembered. I can't judge, I do it too. I just don't pretend I have a photographic memory or feel like I'm getting away with something slick.

The one before that, or a couple before, (these days they have gotten so bland that its a wonder I even remember) started brilliantly and ended in such a heaping pile of rubbish that I vehemently vowed to change somethings in order to avoid any repetition. Though, I stopped short of the usual dramatic airs.
No need to grab a fist full of dust and declare to the sky at dusk that '..I'll never go hungry Again!' If Scarlet O'Hara had considered her quote worthy( to some) phrase, she would have realized that God witnessed all she did, whether she said it in cool night winds or not. But I digress.*

-Do I even Need to mention that not only have I Not made those Earth Shaking Changes, I have also settled down into the aforementioned deep mound of smelly nonsense? I didn't think so.

Now, I understand why a woman wouldn't want to state her age. I already look Younger than I am, perhaps the firmness of my skin matches my accomplishment- lessness? What would a 60 year old who looked 55 say? That they were 50?
What about if she looked 45?
Hmm kay....So she's 60, looks 45, has climbed to the moon and back - she wouldn't drum her age in youngsters ears as she throws her head back to laugh at their astonished faces? Of course she would. And no one would blame her.

Now, if Miss 60-and-looks-45 was a hands in the mud, no account, lay about, legacy-less, friendless, lonely, loner...You think she'd tell whoever she could find to care what her real age was?
Psshaaawww!

Alas, perhaps it is the U curve of my Melancholy kicking in.
But I'm really not looking forward to this birthday at all.

* If you didn't know, I referenced Gone With the Wind.
If you Still Don't Know......rent it or something.
Tis a bloody classic.

Still, I'm Not My Hair.....

2010-07-28T21:27:00.003-04:00

Sometime around the summer of 07, I started this blog. I was out of school, full of promise and looking to rant on a worldwide stage. About a heartbeat later, I decided that I wasn't going to put relaxers in my hair anymore.
I toyed with the thought of dreads, locs, or dreadlocks then. I patiently combed through blogs, websites and of course, Youtube - with Google as my guide.

I found naturals who seemed to have my hair texture, I researched products, learned what EVOO meant, I even found a dread-inspiration with a face shape and an energy similar to mine. I was going to transition in style and dread my hair eventually......

Only, 'Eventually' seemed to elude me. I was afraid of hairdressers ruining my hair, yet the twisting/twist-out / afro maintenance became a chore. I was out of the natural hairstyle honeymoon and wondering if I even Liked this new hair growing out of my head.

But I stuck to my guns, driven by the too-technical reading I did on 'relaxers'. I'd sooner shave my head.
I got natural shea butter and evolved my braiding style, I bought wigs when superiors @ my corporate thought my two strand twists to be dreads and said they were not allowed.

I tried a (poor) hand @Youtubing, formed a blog family, inspired my sister to go natural, gained confidence, wrote many an essay, got a job with a great brand, made lateral moves at work genrally learned &grew A lot, and was even featured on Mane and Chic.

This past weekend, in an attempt to catch up with my dread-inspiration's* Youtube videos, I fell upon another, applesandmustard, whose 4th birthday for he hair was in June.

Her length almost mirrored chescaleigh* 's at year Four. And I thought, Oh Snap.

Three years ago, I had this idea, got inspired and let it fall away to the wayside. Sure I have what I consider to be an awesome fro, but it rarely comes out to play with the corporate machine.
Is that how the little things get ya? Procrastination is a biiatch and I'm kicking her out Today!
-Technically, I did so this weekend. Boo-yah.

Once this current wicked hairstyle on me-head is done, I'm dreading it up. Should be plenty long enough to git done via the two strand twist method or so. I'm jumping in feet first with one hand on my nose and a mountain of research as my guide.

Currently on the look out for Nigerian naturals, loc-heads. I need serious shoulders to lean on that have helpful info, insight and generally can relate to the Natural in Nigeria situation.

Here's to doing what you should, when you should. And to lists. Thank God somebody invented those.

Update!!?? Q and A.

2010-06-14T05:18:00.000-04:00

I'm supposed to be working on a lot of things. Hoo ahh.

I'm still working on getting my Top - List out. Complete with pictures. It has been so long since I composed it, and I outrightly refuse to look at it again until it can be posted in the manner I intended. Or something like it.....

In the meantime, I got a message about "What makes a Marriage Work" and it got me re-thinking about The Trifecta of Relationships and Dating.

That is, my top three Must-Haves when it really comes down to it.

I settled on:
Strong Christian
Intelligence
Humor

Lets face it, an Atheist or Agnostic would maybe tolerate me but I doubt they'd stick around to give me a ring. And Growing Old with someone may just as well be 'Becoming Redundant' if there's nothing, continually new ...and sometimes, old, to talk and (Of Course!) laugh about.

So, people on the other side of the screen, What's your Relationship and Dating; Must Have in the Opposite Sex Trifecta? And yes, I'm talking from an End Game = Marriage point of view.

Holla!

Here's to early morning gym sessions, how I miss you. and also, Matisyahu's Beatbox
track. Love it!!

Alright.

2010-05-17T23:33:00.003-04:00

I owe an update.
Been trying to work on it.

You see, I had this idea, and it involves many a picture and I figured-
Just do it all in html code and paste.

All well and good except the pictures....well, they aren't cooperating.

How do I do this properly?

I shall think on that.

In other news, I try to get to the gym every morning, after a night shift, because, its as good a time as any, I figure.
Running, weights, swimming, aerobics - all sorts of embarrassment to be had, for one and all. Look into it if you're looking to shed pounds or tone muscles or generally keep fit. Have a buddy too, it helps. Like when the aerobics instructor starts doing impossible things with his left leg.. you can look at your buddy and crack up. Hence, burn calories.

I must figure this picture list thing out....

-Here's to my blog family, how I miss them - let me count the ways. One, two, three... you get the idea.

Fan to Feature

2010-03-31T23:43:00.000-04:00

I entered a contest on Mane and Chic a little bit ago.
I found it pretty close to the deadline and made a point of submitting a response.

Imagine my surprise (and unrestrained glee) when I was scrolling through my feed reader and saw my name!

I was a feature on Mane and Chic this Tuesday! Is this an elaborate April Fool's Day prank on me?!
I surely hope not!!

Check me out: http://maneandchic.blogspot.com/2010/03/bee-in-nigeria.html

-Here's to stretching out into the unknown. With growth comes pain.

There's a World Poetry Day... Hmm

2010-03-21T18:53:00.000-04:00

March 21st is World Poetry Day?! Where was I?!!!

A Thought

I think I've thought I might have been in love
In hindsight, I think I may have not.
I didn't become whom I thought I ought
-were I to be caught in such.
Rather think I grew accustomed to
wanting to grow accustomed to.. a who.
So I will "It was not you, twas I"
and I will let my windows cry
(after pulling shades over my eyes)
Selfishly for what I think I've lost
-the way to where I might have been.

Work Irks

2010-03-12T22:23:00.002-05:00

Ah, that'd be the things that irk me about work...

-My boss telling me my hairstyle wasn't 'corporate'. Pulled back twist-outs, Qwhaat?

-My boss apparently not seeing the moderately kempt dreads and jacked up looking dread extensions on my coworkers. What on EARTH, man? How are they More corporate?

-Coworker with dreads telling me to 'do something to my hair' on Friday. Twas in a lil fro, ya kidding me?

-Coworker with dread extensions telling me to 'do something with my hair'. Did she not see the FRO? Looked 'done' to me.

-Coworkers asking, with upity looks on their faces, if my twists were dreads. I WISH they were!! Just you wait!

-Being sent on mini errands. Walk to the printer yourself, lazy.

What Irks you?

Les Cinema

2010-03-06T18:28:00.001-05:00

I saw Alice in Wonderland today, and I saw The Lovely Bones.
Armed with a tummy full of breaded chicken and hands full of popcorn, hot dogs, ice cream and carbonated beverages*- I had myself a grand ole time.

Though, there was a dark moment.
I did see a trailer for Karate Kid.
That irked me greatly. Nothing against Jackie Chan or the young of Will Smith. (What is that childs' name?) I'm just put off by more proof that Hollywood is out of ideas, turning instead to published novels, hollywood archives and such.

Think about it, The Lovely Bones is an Alice Sebold novel, the Prince of Persia is a game, I think its safe to say The Wolfman is a relic, Julie&Julia-book, Piercy Jackson &the Olympians... -book, Alice..., Where the Wild things Are....:honestly. If it truly is THAT good, I'd rather just read the book.

I thank God for the originality that brought Inglorious Basterds, The Men Who Stare at Goats, The Box, heck- The Hangover. But who knows, maybe they were books too.
Was The Hurt Locker a book? Let the Right one in? Valentines Day? When in Rome?

Are there no more screenplay writers? Must I have to suffer through unfiltered crap like Valentines Day because I want a movie and not a remake of a movie/novel turned movie/game turned movie/tv show turned movie?
How about a good imagination turned movie for old times sake?

-Now, who knows when the next Harry Potter flick coming out?

* Not all at once!

2010, What?

2010-02-18T16:52:00.004-05:00

Its 2010. Can't believe I took so long to update.
No less than I have to say, that's a fact.

My inability to be as connected as I would like to be has proven once again how much of an internet junkie I truly am.

I daresay I must be going through some sort of lengthy withdrawal.

Soon, she hoped surreptitiously, I will be like the rest of the facebook zombie warriors. *Sigh* Alas, until such a sweet time as that.

Arggh, what am I up to? Believe it or not, school interviews, (by that I mean I'm praying for the rest) as the spinning death march that is grad school essays is over and done with. All I need now is offers of acceptance and some sort of money attracting method. (ALL. Oh how I dream.)

Hazza! and wish me luck.

Here's to the complicated mr's and filly's out there. (aka everyone) Simple, you wish.

Pool day

2009-10-08T23:30:00.003-04:00

I went swimming for a bit last week.
Floating on my back and looking up at the clouds I tried to somehow block out the sounds of those around me. I embraced the illusion that I was alone and in a wide expanse of deeper waters.

I watched the clouds in the sky appear to roll by and pushed out every thought, worry and problem; focusing on keeping afloat.

Unfortunately, this serenity didn't last for long. It's difficult to hang on to the Straight Arrows of adulthood when being immersed in water reminds me of my fondest childhood memories.

I'd say it's the second place I've been to this year that made me feel completely comfortable. And the first in a while.

I shall definitely go back.
Often.

An Accident

2009-08-21T00:17:00.002-04:00

Do you value your life? What about you neighbors'?

I work nights; and when lucky - I finish early and get a few hours to sleep or surf the net, listen to music or hold philosophical discussions to my hearts delight.

So I'm sitting next to a large window uploading a video on Youtube when I hear tires screeching across asphalt. Hmm, that's not quite right.

-The air is filled with the sound of maddening speed attempting to decelerate to zero in less than a second. Every muscle in my aches and I turn to the right to look out the window. To catch a glimpse of the offending car and perhaps abuse them for such needlessly forceful 5am driving.

Instead I see a silver car ramming into and overturning a wine one, causing it to do a complete one 180 - with the help of a curb. The sound of the crash is sickening and I barely have enough cognitive power available to mute my laptop and close the lid as I stand - hand to mouth to stare helplessly at the scene. By this time the silver car has turned completely around, giving me a full view of its bashed front end.

A man in a white shirt and tie steps out, as does a bathroom slipper-ed driver. The walk slowly around the cars and the driver seems to consider his life.

I cannot claim to have a clear view of his facial expression from 2 stories up, but his body language seems to shout synonyms of 'woe is me'.

The tie-d owner of the Silver Bashed Front starts calling...someone via his cell.

A crowd quickly forms. They meander and speculate before someone has the bright idea to check the Wine Overturned for signs of life. A man is pulled out of a window a lies sprawled on the ground. The ever thicken crowd closes in a every so often, a gap forms in the mass of gabbing onlookers and I can see someone tapping the body.

The co-worker beside me takes hold of me, possible unaware, and I angle a nearby seat closer to her. Sure enough she soon sits down, moaning about the injustice of it all. A man may be dead and Why did they wait so long to check on him?

He eventually sits up and the floodgates of tears subside. Not before a round of pacing on her part.

A full 20 minutes after a curiously labeled white truck pulled up to the site, the crowd cries 'rush this man to the hospital' and he is loaded into the aforementioned vehicle and carted away. This is all after he sits up, speaks and lays back down again.

* The first car I saw after the accident happened drove right by.
* A co-worker mentioned a person leaving the Wine Overturned and sprinting away.
* We all, from the relative safety of our office, could only murmur suggestions or stare. Some ventured outside to investigate the damage.

Lord knows I don't have much else to say about that.

Here's to life when you have it. May you have it in abundance and appreciate it while it lasts.

-I wrote this on Thursday morning. It happened at about 5am. -

Lucky 13....

2009-08-13T00:11:00.003-04:00

I remember when missing TRL was my idea of a problem

I've got a lot of things on my mind and it just dawned on me that my inability to solve certain issues has been a lack of perspective.

So I'll be working on that and praying for direction. Lord knows I need it.

In light of that, I can't think of anything worth writing, really.
Except that my birthday is coming up fast and as it approaches, trepidation more than anticipation fills me like ice water poured too quickly into a glass.... spililng over to ruin place settings and embarrasing a unsuspecting dinner guests.

Oy.

-Found out about a pool/gym situation via work. This looks like the beginning of something swell.

Silver linings, however faint, abound. Here's to 'em.

Eek! It's practically August!

2009-07-31T09:49:00.001-04:00

I'm so out of practice writing, its sad. I feel like a parched fish who has shuffled across a beach and finally come into contact with water.

And so I rant.

A while ago my sister gave me a movie to watch; August Rush. It quite possibly will live with The Princess Bride and The People Beneath the Stairs in my book. Twas all kinds of lovely - and not just because Jonathan Rhys Meyers was a major feature. Not that I wouldn't watch and hour and a half of him looking thoughtfully at me from a large screen...or endure him trespassing about with whats-her-name from The O.C in a vampire flick. (Octane )

He can't help the fact that he's blo'y beautiful. And in this movie he Sings! Tis like Christmas.

He and ....the title character from Felicity ...Keri Russell birthed the wide-eyed Charlie from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, who happens to be a musical prodigy. The whole flick is how their son gets to New York to try and find his parents and how the parents find each other – mixed in with just a smidge of 'New York reality' and a Whole bunch of music. Much like a dance-less musical, but I didn't complain. And Terrence Howard is in it too.

Did I mention how smoking hot Jonathan Rhys Meyers is? First off, his eyes...I mean, then his accent.... Heaven on any size screen, I'll tell you that much.
- - -

I work the night shift. The graveyard shift. The feels-nice-in-the-morning-to-go-home-while-You-are-going-to-work shift. Hoo-ahh.

Pretty much 5pm – 5am and as luck would have it, a bit of scheduled Training had us night folks staying till 8, 8:30 for two days. Would you believe I haven't fully recovered? I'm not so much wadding through a perpetual fog as floating numbly in murky waters. I need a tall glass of Rest.

TGIF indeed.

- -- --

I really want to go swimming. Nay, I dare say I even require it.

My bathing suit is all ready, who has a pool?

-Here's to keeping promises, and sleep.

Hmm

2009-07-22T23:37:00.003-04:00

Dilbert, July 22, 2009

I'm kick-starting myself back into blogging. So before the month is out, I'll rant properly. And I think Dilbert is awesome

Mr. (you know who you are) I better see an update from you soon...

To You, you and you.....

2009-04-23T16:09:00.003-04:00

I've been at my job for a month. I Officially Hate desk jobs. Sorry I've been so silent, trying to fix my Work/Life Balance.
This is to.... some of my fellas..

I liked you. A lot.
Part of me didn't want to, but our apparent similarities somehow caused us to be.
For a while. Until you got tired, though to hear you say it would likely be much more poetic.
Funny thing is that I knew from the beginning that it wouldn't end as.slightly intended.
No stroll through the park of Romance on a summer afternoon is Enhanced by first dissecting each others person on a Freudian red couch avec timer and quizzical smile.
Adieu, though it saddens me.
Sure I've lost a friend.

I hate you. Immensely.
And I love you terribly at the same time.
You're the reason an entire country was on my No-Go list and seeing your traits in others inspires contempt.
No matter how shiny, how large, how rare my diamonds are, they might as well be coal to your expectations.
And though its salt on a fresh wound to care what you think, I still do.
Working on severing this tie.

I'm sorry. Really.
I think I thought I had some concept of what I wanted something and I transposition-ed them unto you.
Truly feel like I wasted a year of your life; hoping that I learned a bit during that year in mine.
Quite sure you'll be just fine.
We were Incompatible from day one.

You. Are a Jerk!
And yet you're so adorable I frequently overlook it.
Thanks for teaching me how not to fall, by attempting to bring me down, no less. Thank God for the wise counsel of friends.
I fully expect and invite to the Free Cake and Rice day that'll be your wedding.
Someday.

You don't deserve the space it'd take to acknowledge you properly. I throw up.

You stupid, stupid, Stupid....!!!
Why did you have to be emotionally attached to another? Why did she have to be Acceptable to me? Why did you feel the need to Tell me about it!??
Alas, we would have make terrible lovers.
Settling for 'Long Distance Friends'

I liked you. So Much.
Its downright ridiculous.
The entire thing was like some movie.
And the audience shouted commands to me the whole time.
…didn’t they know that people on 16ft big screens can’t talk back.
Well.

You. Are So Fine. You don't even know. In too many ways.
Honestly. I don't think you do. Which, of course, makes you like the last scoop of ice cream on a Hot Summer day.
Blo'dy Irresistible.
I hope your girlfriend knows this.

My Ride-or-Die-Niggas
You know I've got nothing but love for you.
Keep your head up Baby, the sun'll come out tomorrow.
Besides, we have to be around to see each others kids grow up.
-If even in pictures only.

You were like a Knight at the Round Table of life and I felt like that girl they send for water basins.
Sure the distance wasn’t Entirely in my mind, but you saw me just the same.
You Get me and I'm not letting go.
You are like Spring to me and we are full of possibilities.
Caramel...

I love You.
You are the Only One who understands me - likely because you hold the blueprints.
May I grow to Love you more, may I be who You want me to be; and not mess up the opportunities You bring my way.
-Amen

-Here's to doing what you're supposed to do, when you're supposed to do it.
And to Living Your Life - ala T.I. & Rhi

I'm in an Odd Mood Today...

2009-03-12T15:16:00.003-04:00

I wanted to rant. Tirade really, but as things are - and happen, life did what it does. And so copy and paste a Poem by E. E. Cummings I did.
Because I can.

Snow by E. E. Cummings
SNOW

cru
is
ingw Hi
sperf
ul
lydesc

BYS FLUTTERFULLY IF

(endbegi ndesignb ecend)tang
lesp
ang
le
s
ofC omego

CRINGE WITHS

lilt(
-ing-
lyful
of)!
(s
r

BIRDS BECAUSE AGAINS

emarkable
s)h?
y&a
(from n
o(into whe)re f
ind)
nd
ArE

GLIB SCARCELYEST AMONGS FLOWERING

- Here's to the looks on all your faces, because I know its there.
And thanks for the Love (well, those who gave it), I'm on a hiatus now, Daily Grind'll start in less than a Fortnight.

Oh Snap, its February!??!

2009-02-19T13:50:00.004-05:00

I'm not Dead.

Honest.

I got a job, (yaaay!), and lost my internet connecy (boooo!) so I've been, well, you understand.

I'd type something wonderful but I just do not have the time. Will shed light on that perhaps when I have a connecy to call my own again.

- Ah, Vals weekend was nice. Hope all of ya'll lovebirds maintain the truth that everyday should be Valentines Day...

And because I failed to give you anything, I'll direct you to my Archives....if you wish, lol, and two blogs that may just be a part of your Blogroll in the future.

http://auria-ally.blogspot.com/
http://coherentwhole.blogspot.com/

- Here's to Laughter. I guarantee you, it heals the Soul. :*

Happy? New Year

2009-01-19T20:00:00.002-05:00

To those you played along with the 'quiz', twas actually a Personality Test of sorts.

-Here's hoping the holiday went well...

1. Cow is career,
horse is family,
pig is money,
sheep is is love and
tiger is pride.

How you arrange the animals is supposed to show the order in which you value those things

2.What you put for dog is how you see yourself, your personality
cat is your partner,
rat is your enemy,
coffee is sex and
sea is your life

3. Yellow is the person you'll never forget,
orange is your true friend,
red is the person you really love,
white is your twin soul OR soul mate and
green is the person you'll always remember OR person that can teach you a lot about yourself.

Here's to the random memories of before.
The ones that catch you unexpectedly, floating on the air
Stuck to a sound, a song, a word.
Here's to 'em.

Oh Blo'y Freakin' A!!

2008-12-23T13:27:00.009-05:00

Hi Hi! What's been up with cha!?!! Hope all's good.
Cuz life's Swell!! (Breakfast Club style)

I'm overcompensating, cuz I'm in a crap mood at the Moment. But I'm thinking Positively!!
Go me, and whatnot! Down with confusing courses! (I'mma gonna git ya...)

...moving On!

I have No time to Blog. I shouldn't even be here! But, I'm Positive that I won't spend Too much time blog Running and all that... On account of my Me-Ness!

Yeah.

So I have an activity for you, Honored Guest :) Kinda like a quiz....I copped it! Caused Quite a Hullabaloo in class...
Answers will be revealed when all Participating Members have completed the Task at Hand!!!

So Here. Go!

1. Read my last post and Drop a comment if you haven't already :) [Shameless plug :D]

2. Leave a comment to This post with the following:
a) Arrange the following 5 animals in order of your preference:
cow horse pig sheep tiger

b) Next to each word in the following list, write the first 5 Adjectives that come to mind:
dog -
cat -
rat -
coffee -
sea -

c) Next to each color in the following list, write the name of the first person (blogger, someone you know well, etc..) that comes to mind:
yellow -
orange -
red -
white -
green -

3. Get up and Dance. Crib walk, Runner man, something. Life can be stressful, how much more so if you Stay Still?!!

Here's to....uh...Big Boats! and...Swimming Pools!! Oh and Chocolate, I raise my glass in a toast to Chocolate!! Mmm mmm. And Skittles!!!

Here's also to Random Capitalization and Excessive use of Exclamation marks! And copping stuff... Here's to that! And Blog Runs! Which is what I'm going to do Right Now!!

Oh, here's also to you! Cheers! Smile! Jesus loves ya!!

p.s. No spilling the Beans if you know the answers. That just wouldn't be Kosher.

A Morning Headache

2008-12-10T15:43:00.005-05:00

- I wrote this at 10.25am no disrespect meant, I wasn't in a receptive mood during a presentation, and so...

Fade cut
and he "speaks so well"
I wonder if he listens.
Bound inside his black suit
is self defined charisma.

Do you care if my head's on fire
and threatens to
explode?
And temples throb and pulse
and all?
Body Temp begins to fall.

- You say we're quiet and don't talk.
You stole the floor.
Try to open it up.

Okay...its open
but must you shout?
Because your words bounce off
the inside of my skull.
Like banging drums and clanging bells,
a falling chandelier.
I put my thumbs above my ears.

Pressure
...carries me to...here?
Where the breeze blows past my face.
Sun hugs.
Feet trailing in cool water.
Birds chirp - the sound of children playing.
Home.

Until the throbbing starts anew
- setting sun
biting cold.
whipping wind
warmth shuns....

-Here's to....that moment just before a jump off the high dive, the high-speed blender mix of Should I and I Shouldn't. And making people smile. Here's to that.

Heels

2008-12-03T00:12:00.003-05:00

I have a pair of heels that I wore once, to a wedding.
And I danced the night away in a Old Skol, so smooth style.

And my feet regetted it.
My pinkie toe was barely spared.

And I wore these shoes to work.
- No dancing, I figured I was safe.
Some walking.
- I thought all would be good.
Flights of stairs.
- Tis part of the agreement.

By the end, well, If my ankles could cry
My pinkie shout and the sides weep.

They would hoot and holler and moan
Something would break
Things would be thrown.

But someone said 'you be chick now'
And so, sans grinning, I bear it.

And today, I wear flats.
:)

-Heres to.....um, um. Music! All kinds, whatever style. Take a minute or two outta your day to Dance. Just a little. (Find a safe space to do it ;) )

Shyness and Midnight

2008-11-27T09:34:00.003-05:00

Shyness is a worm that lives in your head and feeds of your negative thoughts. Once you cut off its food supply it shrivels up like a prune.

I used to be Painfully-Somebody Put Me Out of My Misery-Please Let The Ground Open -St-Stu-Stutter -Shy. I once used the bulk of a 45 minute class period to decide whether or not I should open the door and enter class late....

I never did go in.

Of late, a series of Unfortunately and Prime Potential-y Embarrassing Moments made me realize that I'm Sooo over that:

1. I frequented an eatery so much to use the bathroom, I started to recognize the staff.

2. I put my hair in twists only to find, near the close of day, that one stood at attention.

3. I waited at an eatery for someone, for hours – eventually got stood up on account of Blo'dy Monsoon style rain, waded through a puddle of murky – uck water with an Okada to pick up a measly last check. Got stood up by said Okada man and had to wait, in the rain, sans umbrella for the lone Okada man who Was around, to get back from his sojourn and take me back through said murky uck.
Rode on the Merry Okada in biting rain to arrive soaked to the teeth at the Bird, water dripping down my neck from my fro; walked through the lobby to the solace of a bathroom stall, not before being ogled by two very unhelpful staff. (Honestly, who hangs out in a bathroom?)
Bought a ticket with my magically dry new money and was accosted by the Ticket Tearing Guy for my Red Eyes. - I then proceeded to freeze to death watching a crap movie.(I kind of tangent-ed, but you get my point.)

4. I went to the Island, in a pinstripe trouser/jacket combo I thought was do-able as the jacket was black. Only the jacket was blue.

I didn't hope for fissures to split the ground open, I steadily ignored the heads that turned in my direction and told myself that:

When you've got to go and your office is busted....what's a girl to do?
My twists are fierce and I Don't Give a Whoot!
Um, Ignore, Ignore, this will be over eventually.
Oh, what the Blo'dy 'El
Well, I'm just so awesome I can wear Anything.

:)

Last night, someone tried to call me - this morning.

After about an hour of silencing calls from the Mystery Annoyer, an actual Person I know whose number I had saved called towards 2am. In the process of catching up, I realized that the string of digits that had taken such pleasure in irritating me, had rung 13 times. Thirteen!

You think if it were important, they would've called during the day? Hmm? Maybe?
Why didn't I just turn my phone off, you wonder?

I just so happened to be Freaking Tired, so when the calls started, I somehow merged with the dream I was having. Convenient ay? Twas only towards the end when I realized that I was Not-Answering calls in my sleep, but in the Real World outside of my head.

Afterwards I noticed the number in my Received Calls List and I checked how long the call was, curious to see if I had been gracious enough to give them at least one babbling reason to believe that at 15 to 1, I was indeed asleep. The call registered at 00:00.

Blo'y annoyance was......Flashing???? at 1 am?? Who flipping does that? Honestly?

Do you?

- Heres to...Jill Scott's 'Living My Life Like its Golden'

....well well. The Crazy person called me back this afternoon. Three times. Each time I picked up the phone, they hung up. By the end I'd stopped bothering to say 'Hello'

Then they sent me a text that read:
“If ds is rily wat u want FINE!
I ws jus tryin2b a friend bt
apparently its a waste of
time!”

I'm almost proud of whoever it is for finally getting it. Maybe I won't get random strings of 7 digits calling me at 45 past midnight anymore. God Bless 'im

- Here's still to Jill Scott's 'Living My Life Like its Golden' and swimming. Here's to swimming.

*update* Me thinks they haven't learned their lesson, as another mysterious string of 7 digits flashed me before and after the Text situation.

-Dudes think women are hard to understand? Male-folk TRIP!! My goodness.

Eagle Eye

2008-11-27T09:21:00.000-05:00

In Eagle Eye, Shia LaBeouf stars as Jerry Shaw; a guy who comes back from a funeral to find his apartment full of boxes he knows nothing about. Further inspection shows ammunition, guns, explosives and Ammonium Nitrate to be the contents. Moments later, a mysterious caller warns him that in a matter of seconds, the police will arrive.

Twenty minutes later a woman, played by Michelle Monaghan, receives a menacing call from the same woman as live pictures of her son broadcast where an ad for McDonalds was shown seconds before; and a well placed crane accident provides Jerry with a perfect escape from police custody.

Convinced Jerry is a terrorist, Billy Bob Thorton as Agent Thomas Morgan and Rosario Dawson as Zoe Perez take part in a brilliant chase scene, and viewers are made to know that this voice on the other end of the phone has access to All cameras and electronic equipment. Eventually, we realize that the voice on the phone belongs to a clever puppet master, using a series of seemingly inconsequential things to exact revenge.

Reminiscent of I, Robot – Eagle Eye is an AI story that, unlike the uber futuristic tale, looks like it could be coming soon, to a technology near you.

-Michael Chiklis as the Defense Secretary, Ethan Embry and William Sadler round out the cast.

I Am Not -Just My Hair

2008-11-22T03:13:00.000-05:00

About a year ago, I went through the process of not relaxing my hair anymore. I decided that I was curious to see what my hair Really looked like, and had succumb to the truth that my hair genes could not take much more damage for long. Since the fateful day when I cut my hair, leaving no relaxed strands remaining, I've gotten mixed responses.

Men, women and children of all ages stare, and the number of 'Auntie do you want to make your hair?' calls I get in any market would be enough to frustrate anybody. The notion that my hair is 'rough' because its not bone straight, irks me. Sure I'm no expert on Natural hair styling, but I'm doing my best. What would be said if I just left my hair to its own devices? It may not be common to the average person, but pinned back Is styled.

One thing that keeps me from going back to my Relaxer days, is the sheer number of Natural hairstyles I continue to see in print and television media. Asa, with her neck length dreadlocks, is an obvious example. Seeing those hairstyles serves to strengthen my resolve, and as I talk to other women about why I went Natural, I hope I can bolster theirs. Yet more and more billboards and commercials feature beautiful women with a thick head of Natural curls.

I am not disillusioned enough to believe that all those models are carrying their natural hair.
As evidenced by the variety of textured hair weaves and even dread style weaves I've seen in Lagos alone, more and more women are testing the waters of a Natural look, without, or perhaps before, taking the plunge.
Oluchi Onweagba for example, has reached height in the modeling industry and remains one of the most widely know Nigerian models. Yet, she has been photographed wearing Afro or Natural Textured wigs on occasion, just as other Black models have. A great deal of todays Black models sport their Natural hair and I think it is safe to say the look is making a gradual comeback.

The fact that many in Hollywood, from Beyonce Knowles to Tyra Banks and Kelly Rowland, wear high cost weaves as opposed their real hair just serves as a reminder that appearances deceive. The kicker is, many of those women are Natural underneath the weaves, because of the damage constant styling does to anyones hair, and possibly because of a need to blend in. Though Natural may not be mainstream abroad or in Lagos as of yet, I daresay 'its me'.

What do you Actually Do?

2008-11-12T11:04:00.005-05:00

To mark the death of a group I started and to stick my feet back into the writers' pool, I wrote...

Every day, you wake up and at night you go to sleep. Years of this and what you do in the daylight becomes habitual. On the off chance that you aren't where you want to be right now. - Take a good look at whatever it is that you're doing. Refocus if need be. Give yourself a pat on the back if your assessment is positive.

A wise man said something like 'We are they way we are because we want to be, if we wanted otherwise we'd be in the process of changing right now.' Yet another one said 'A good time to plant a tree was 10 years ago, a better time is now'.

In the general scheme of things, we are the only ones to blame if our lives don't turn out the way we hope them to be. It practically goes without saying that we all know what they say about wishes and horses; if we don't endeavor to try at all well, then who else could we possibly blame? If your assessment of where you are reveals to you that you are far from where'd you like – dust yourself off and keep climbing. At the end of it all, no one will remember you for thinking you could alone. Any thought without an equivalent action might just as well have never been

Right now, as the world is pulsating with Obama-fever, it is a fact of life that we Will grow tired. It may not be relatively soon for some and too soon for others, but from all angles, it is inevitable. I'd like to hope that as the world stood up to watch the American election, and as Africans and other nationalities identify with a man whose blank history pages are waiting to be filled – we realize that just as Obama was able to focus on a goal and achieve it, so indeed can we.

And rather than just hoping or believing in ourselves, knowing that we too, can 'do'.

-The sky's no limit, ya'll - make sure you reach for it. ;)

- Here's to shopping through your closet and ice-cream. ..More on that later, possibly.

Letter to the Dead 1

2008-10-29T15:42:00.004-04:00

Hi Brother,

I know it has been a few years since I wrote last.
I'm not quite sure why though. I know the book Mom gave me was the first inspiration. I'm not even sure where it is now. Or what the title is. I just know its blue and very worn.

A lot has happened. Cousins got married and had children. There was even a wedding this year. The grooms brother had us sit with his friends and we were utterly ignored. I thought, if you had been there it would have been the exact same thing.

The boys are tall now, and still growing. I might end up the second tallest...
I graduated from University. Our sister is almost done.

You probably would have been married by now. I'd be an Aunt; babysitting every once in a while. I'd be asking you to help me get a job. I wonder how things would have been different with you around to have our backs at home.

I'd love to tell you how much I miss you. But the words sound like a lie.
I barely remember you. But what might have been, I miss that. Stories I could have heard. How family trips would have been different. ..The possibility of more pictures.. :)

I've stopped thinking I caused your death. It was a childish thing to think in any case. But what did I know about tumors? I've stopped hating nurses too, incidentally.

I do wonder, what would have happened if that day didn't? Would they still have found it? Would it have been found at all? Would your operation have been scheduled for an earlier date?

Would this letter be asking for advice or just saying hi?

Till heaven,
Bee

She Said, 'Turn on Your TV'

2008-09-11T09:58:00.002-04:00

Its crazy how time flies. I was a high school Junior once, hanging out in my U.S Government class – playing just as much as learning. My Economics teacher came in and told us to put the TV on.
We all watched in stunned silence and I tried to understand how a crash was possible..so low.
Someone said something and I turned, faces changed and I looked back at the TV. The replay had it all.
Slow motion, real time, over and over again. Just like the voice in the TV set, we were certain there was no accident. Those kinds of coincidences don't happen.

We went to our next classes, mine was Economics. After a while our teacher hit the mute button and attempted to teach. I don't think anyone listened.

My next class was English. ..With a woman I constantly abused with my friends, as having no idea what she taught. There was no TV, but there was plenty of talk. Those with cell phones had realized that they couldn't call in to New York. Everyone had mentally confirmed whether someone they knew was at Ground Zero. Those who weren't sure..it was written on their faces. We didn't really smile as much. There was a calm quiet everywhere. At lunch, the buzzing cafeteria sounds were different, more serious. I told my friends to calm down, and wait for positive word. I told 'em, 'You'll hear stories about people who were late to work, or had Something keep them from going in today.' I said this praying that it was true, knowing that it had to be.

At home, every channel showed the same footage, everywhere looked like CNN. Even MTV looked like CNN. News rolled in about the plane en route to the Pentagon. I wondered about the last moments of those heroes, and knew eventually there'd be a movie.

I was a mix of deep sadness and numbness. The air was heavy and every commercial that rolled by irritated me. They said, the real life images looked like something out of a movie. Except the shadowy footage of people jumping out of windows wasn't done by Hollywood magic. And real people had died.

A bunch of terrorists wanted to punish America, yet the world felt the blow. Not only Americans and Europeans, but Nigerians as well. Middle Easterners. All walks of life. How long after were they still shifting through the rubble? They days after That Day are a blur.

-They did a memorial today. I came home raving about my NYSC discharge certificate, and saw it on the news, as I watched, the familiar sadness came back.
I can't believe I had forgotten today was the anniversary.

But I can never forget that day.

May God be with the families and friends of those who fell. And May God be with us all.

I've Been a Bad Bee

2008-08-26T11:44:00.004-04:00

-Not really, I just needed a title.

Though, I have been kinda um, neglecting my blog. Poor dears, I've missed you, I'm sad to say I've no tales to tell.
This is gonna be a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants sort of blog.

--NYSC is almost over, can I get a 'whoop-whoop!'? The POP day on a sad anniversary date. Lets see if you can guess, its next month.

All of us Lag corpers were swindled into coming out en masse in the sun, all in the name of being 'addressed'. They would have typed out a nice letter and stuck it a door at our LG's. ...Negro's wanted to fry me in the sun like a blo'y enchilada, no thank you.

The plus side was that I got a mini school reunion. Its almost ridiculous how many of my graduating class serve in Lag. - No less astounding than the number who have left on their individual jets planes...

But alas, poor poor Yoric. Yorik? - I never did get around to reading Hamlet.

--Yesterday, I attempted to do a bout of night owl-ing and not sleep. I crashed sometime between 3am and Unconsciousness. Woke up at 7.
Maybe if I give it enough trials, I'll get my internal clock set to a hour or was it 30mins that some long-dead painter slept a day? I can't even remember his name. Oh the things I could do with 23 hour days...that is, if I don't become an irritable wreck and shut down.

Maybe I'll just go for less hours, for a start.

Hmm, lets holla back, shall we?

Solomonsydelle: I'm doing my best, how are you and your adorable ones?!

flygirlbidiish: LOL! Somehow, he got the message. Thanks for the b-day holla, I'll still hit up your page.

Chari: Done and Done! :)

-Here's to ah, actually meeting deadlines. Amen to that!

Oh, ta ha, I forgot to mention, my birthday was a while back. Not quite the Independance Day parade I imagined but its all good, the patient bird studies the others for weaknesses...

Negro, Please!

2008-07-31T07:39:00.004-04:00

-Tomorrow just so happens to be the first day of the Best Month Ever!
If ya didn't know before, you betta know it now.

So I'm at work. Working.

For reasons I happened to be near the door. Whenever it opens, I glance over. If you were doing my work, you would too. So every once in a while I come face o face with this dude. Whenever this happened, I'd remain about as bored-looking as I must have been, and continued. Working.

This happens multiple times, as he comes in, goes up stairs, comes back down and goes out again. Gave my neck an excuse to turn from my beloved laptop. And the Work.

After I while I notice the dude is mad dogging like I'm a freakin chew toy, I disregard. I ignore. Enough time passes and I forget.

And then.

The Slimy Guy who works upstairs comes down and asks for my yahoo id. I give, he walks outside. Less then five minutes later an IM window pops up. Some Negro talking bout 'hi'.

I was gonna copy and paste, but it was just a dry convo. You know, one of those -Spellchecker, what?- people.

Blabbered something about wanting to be 'friends', after saying he was 44....and I had said I was married....

Then he tripped all over his tongue and attempted to apologize. I took the high road and marked him as Spam.

Would you believe he came into the office yesterday? Sounding every bit as confused as he looked, AND as he types?

Honestly, if you're looking for a quick lay shouldn't you at least open your eyes? Negro, Puullease!
Does anyone feel me? Holla!!

-Here's to my sister who traveled and came back with a couple hats for yours truly. Now I don't have to learn how to Knit! ...for now.

Nothing

2008-07-16T11:15:00.001-04:00

I thought I'd just take it upon myself to type nothing for July.

I don't have any words of wisdom or tales to tell. I'm just trying my best to be me and do all I'm supposed to.

"Whether you think you can or you can't, either way, you're right" - Henry Ford.

Adieu...and Toes

2008-06-09T04:42:00.001-04:00

-I finally registered for the GMAT today. I'll be taking it on July 4th, and I can't just help but think how delicously poetic that is.

Apparently, someone has been stealing my thunder. How rude, you might be thinking. Well, I concur. I shall not be allowing That ANYmore, believe you me.

In light of my grad school apps, I've been wondering if those schools have some sort of unspoken rule about dreadlocks or *gagging at the term* 'ethnic hair'. *Honestly, what does that Mean??* Ergo twists, braids and other hairstyles a certain Bee might want to Represent.

This would be the Direct opposite of Funny, but then again, I'm not in yet - so I'll see to that Egg when(if?...Dear God) it hatches.

My my, I don't have much to say, 'cept that I'm going on a scheduled hiatus till this whole GMAT ish is over with.

So Adieu Blogville... Facebook.... friends and family..... lol
I have about 2months of procrastination to pay for so you've just been bumped to a distant #3 on my list. :D

-If you've been wishing me luck, I appreciate it &God Bless you; but could you Upgrade that to Prayer please??

§(I wrote that yesterday. I'm kinda glad I didn't post it, or I wouldn't have been opportune to post THIS -> )§

This morning, merely minutes ago, on the way to weekly torture, alias CD(blo'y Youth Service), I saw a woman dressed younger than her age.
She used a piece of paper to shield herself from the sun-thereby flashing armpit to all.

My eyes gravitated towards her shoes, for I Naturally Assumed that they'd be banging.

...Like the business woman in the Pink jacket and Black Stilettos I saw moments before, skillfully avoiding puddles of mud...

-Well, I looked down to behold Four masterfully painted, red toes. 8 really. All struggled for breathing space as they tumbled out and over her shoes. It brought back memories of Cinderella....you know, the stepsisters...

My thoughts were interrupted when the owner of quite possibly the saddest toes Ever! shrieked (as much as said) [i]"Is it not Fine?![/]

-My only regret is that I did not take a picture. So as to share....

Feeling....

2008-05-27T08:04:00.002-04:00

Some say I'm melancholic - life can be melancholy.
A thousand people playing violins for themselves.

Give me a trumpet, bass, symbol. Precussions
Piano- the beat starts on One.
I've got this feeling, this running feeling.
-Feels like 'Dance to your own drum'

External flows attempt to choke it
and at times they do succeed.
But at this moment all they're drowning is
complacency in me.

I had a mind to make that longer, but it just didn't work out that way.
My cousin got married this weekend. Lots of stress, free rice, hugs, greeting people you don't remember, spraying, serving, inside jokes, rolling eyes at dry-boys' lines, laughing, praying, clapping, sighing, complaining of tiredness, searching for a drink, being introduced as so and so's daughter and posing for the camera. Click-Click

I throughly enjoyed myself, my Mom flew over, too many Aunties and Uncles and Grand-so and so's to greet. My knees proved their worth.

I got accepted to a school I wanted (big whoop). I'm about to start applying to the never-gonna-get-it-unless-God-works-it-out schools. Luck you may wish me, please

I needed a good dose of strength, and then I realized that God never really left me.

-To Momma's ya'll, cuz they just rock.

2008-05-20T06:50:00.006-04:00

It this upload works, you all will get to see my Dread-Inspiration in the flesh. And if it doesn't: http://youtube.com/watch?v=7MP5UGV0W-s&feature=user enjoy.

I personally don't think we look alike so much as have similar face shapes and possibly similar personalities. But there she is just the same, singing "Happy Birthday to my hair!"

Like your's truly, and countless others, I'd imagine, she's a 'black girl that talks white'- a description that never fails to irritate the blo'y 'ell outta me. - Funny, my other hair inspiration is a Nigerian chick with a beautiful, long thick head of natural hair. Kudos to you, girl! I guess people really are drawn to those with a little bit of themselves in them....

Uh, not much else to say. I feel really down, just trying to trust God more and yeah, that's about my life right now.

p.s. Blo'y = Bloody. Therefore Blo'y 'ell = Bloody Hell. Not sure what else I say that could be confusing, lemme know.

-Here's to chocolate and Twizzlers. Oh, and Jollyranchers; pretty much any candy that Doesn't suck.

And here's to you. Keep your head up.

May 9th, ya'll

2008-05-09T10:19:00.004-04:00

-On a precipice.....wings don't fail me now.

On my way to work this morning, after dropping from the vehicle, as I walked towards my office - I saw an Amazon. A freakin' Amazon.

She was walking in towards me, and when I saw where the top of her head broke the horizon, I took a quick glance shoe-ward to confirm that , yes - heels.

But the subtraction that followed left me with the conclusion that this chick was blo'y tall. 5 more pounds spread over her frame would most likely be unnoticeable.
-I immediately thought 'Model' and when she passed me I woulda had to look up to see her face clearly. I'm 5'7".

Needless to say I wish I were taller. And I'm no teenager, so I daresay it's not likely. Seeing a freakin Amazon did nothing to aid this....uh, well, slightly ridiculous, self-induced plight. [sigh]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

There's a chick on YouTube that's my dread-inspiration. She also happens to be wicked funny in my opinion. And apparently, we look alike. I happen to think she's beautiful so I don't mind AT ALL :)
Plus it gives me and idea of what Bee would look like during that dreaded short-short-dread stage. How sweet is that?
- Did I mention she's 5'10"?

Blo'y 'Ell!! [double sigh]

-God,may I have the grace (uh, commonsense?) to do what I'm supposed to, please?
Amen

First Tag!!! - My Six Q's

2008-04-30T05:29:00.006-04:00

I was tagged! If you want to thank someone, that'd be Lighty. How cool.
Yeah, ok - so its my first tag, deal with my Happy. I think I shall do a jig.

The rules:
1. Link the person who tagged you -
2. Mention the rules in your blog –
3. Tell 6 unspectacular quirks of yours –
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged

Six Unspectacular Quirks

1. I think musicals are flipping awesome. I tend to think the world would be a better place if everyone just burst into song and Broadway ready choreography whenever they were happy, sad, angry or just ish.

2. Whenever I'm really angry, I sing. Works like a charm.

3. One of my top reasons for wanting to live on my own is the fact that I'd be able to troop about naked. Ah, freedom...

4. When I first meet someone; and they look a certain way....if they look different the next time I see them, we end up being friends. Weird 6th sense, hunh?

5. I laugh at horror movies. They rarely scare me, especially the older mutated person - un-dead - alien ones. The plot lines are just silly; though I counted 'em as my favorite genre for a long while.

6. I get tongue twisted when I try to rap, but freestyling a song is easy-peasy.

Ok, so I tag doug, G, Solomonsydelle, Onyeka, Charizard and flygirlbidiish

In other news, the lazy bug seems to be wearing off... a bit. Praise Jesus.
And this morning I came to the realization (again) that I SO SO want my own blo'y place.

-So badly, ya'll do not even know.

Woman’s Work

2008-04-22T04:35:00.004-04:00

-Right now, I’m silently cursing the ‘internet provider’ that has failed to deliver more times than not. I shall upload this tomorrow, so Happy Tuesday.

I’m going through the process of Not Relaxing my hair anymore. Eventually, I shall cut it. And then perhaps start wearing Large Hoop Earrings, just in case.

I’m supposed to be studying, among other things, and it feels like I’ve hit a wall. A big solid wall that I built somehow and I haven’t the good sense to walk around it, for some reason. Thus continuing the head bashing ceremony…

I do have a story……

There’s a man and a woman; husband and wife. Two children; big enough to keep themselves active, small enough to need adult help for most everything else. Lets put ‘em all in a house. No pets, sorry – just take the family of four as is.

Momma is a Doctor, and as it goes in Doctor-dom, she’s thigh-high in her residency.

This means when they call you fly. This means you wear a hideous green thing and catch zzz’s on a cot when your lucky.

Graveyard shifts are a normal thing.

Go back to the house.

Normally, the Husband is not at home, for reasons. Lets put him on a plane and say he traveled. So on getting back, he joins the merry trio and makes four.

One day, when it is a packed house, Momma leaves for work sometime in the day and returns early the next day.

She asks her husband if he has eaten.

He hasn’t.

She asks if the kids have eaten.

They haven’t.

She is incredulous. Tired and hungry as she is, energy from somewhere is used to vex.

With no one at home to do the cooking, husband and father didn’t think to feed his kids, who are Entirely unable to enter the kitchen unsupervised – if at all.

Momma makes something for the yungin’s and puts ‘em to bed. Sleeps herself.

Papa gets nada.

Perhaps her speeches about trying to understand that she was at work while he did nothing – and that feeding the children is really Not too much to ask…. Perhaps they spoke.

After the next graveyard shift she took, she came home to find the children fed.

-Pray for me, please, this laziness bug has to Die!

-I also woke up rather sickish this morning... :( so you can help me pray bout that too!!!

Here's to all of ya'll that feel 100%, ya'll don't know how good you have it..

- All Title Suggestions are Welcome...

2008-04-09T07:20:00.003-04:00

-I’m looking for silver linings and rainbows and lights at the end of tunnels.
I’m looking for cartoon colors in a gray scale world and it’s tiring.

I’m looking at you and rolling my eyes.
Actions shouting things your mouth won’t bear to say.
Truth is heavy.

Your honeysuckle lips dripping poison in my ears
- a contagious disease.
Who spat honey on you, that you would pass it to me?
Hoping that it takes root,
begins the process of the wasting.

As constant as the full moon,
withered hearts are in bloom

Sticky
lies like honey cutting off its air.

And so a he will con a she – because one sista made it be.
A him will be caught in the she-spiders’ web.
A her will cry and wish for death.

Silver lined rainbows in Technicolor.

Cold dank puddles of varying shades – gray.

On the path to one, the other gets in the way.

Sigh.....

2008-03-31T13:47:00.000-04:00

-I read my last post. Apparently I didn't proofread at all. Sorry ya'll.

-The first round of grad apps have been submitted, I suppose me transcripts are still in the mail.
....continued GMAT prep awaits me.

The pumping machine had another snafu today. By that I mean a pipe dislodged itself, there by launching me into Dirty Kitchen Water Mopping III.
Try wringing out a skanky oil and water drenched rag without getting your forefingers wet. Go ahead. I'd like to see if you fared better than I.

...Cut my finger on a MILO tin this morning, hungry scamp I must be. I'm trying to gain weight, rare as it may be. For those of you who don't know what I look like, well, take my word for it.

Where was I? Water.
My neighbor got all ancy on account of water dripping from his walls, caused my yours truly, the Cause of the Kitchen Flooding, Neighbor vexing mayhem - according to my Dad. I 'shouldn't leave the pump running incessantly'. Gotcha. Never mind that I was told to put it back on. Disregard the fact that the pipe was 'mended' poorly instead of replaced.
The tank
is meant
to OVERFLOW.
That's the way of things. Turn on the pump. Tank overflows. = Tank is full. Why mess with such simple logic? Pipes are meant to channel water along, not quit all willy nilly.

I had a conversation the other day, would you like an excerpt?

Boyo - so any guy in action now
~Bee - 'In action', you're funny.
Boyo - u knw wot i mean abi
~Bee - I know, its just funny.
Boyo - soo
~Bee - Anyway, there is no law that I need a boyfriend.
Boyo - everyq needs
~Bee - Really? So who's your girlfriend?
Boyo - hope u no go vex#
Boyo - ya sis
~Bee - Why would I vex?
~Bee - My sister ko, my aunti ni
Boyo - how far nah weo dey marry ya sis. but frankly speaking dnt u thin am a husband material. 4get the past c me now
~Bee - What?
~Bee - I'm saying, I'm 100% sure you're not my sisters boyfriend.
Boyo - y u say so
~Bee - So are you saying you dont have a girlfriend, or you dont want to tell me?
~Bee - ..I would know, duh.
Boyo - lol
Boyo - am just taking my time. u knw the time has past where u just want gurls for thier body. i cant do dat again u knw. so any lady i would get nw is to marryyy oooo
~Bee - ok
Boyo - and i must marry a virgin too
~Bee - Funny
~Bee - Guys are just funny.
Boyo - wots funny about dat
~Bee - A guy will go through a phase of wanting to hit anything in a skirt, and then when they want to get married, they start looking for virgins.
~Bee - So who marries those other girls?
Boyo - n dats y girls shld keep dem sefs knwing this truth about guys.
~Bee - Girls should keep themselves from knowing the truth about guys, or they should find out as soon as possible?
Boyo - fing out asp. but u knw its the truth. most guyw alwys wnt to settle with virgins.
~Bee - Anyway, no one ever said life was fair.
Boyo - but in mst cases, it is the lady who wants 2 have a taste of how it is to have sex. most times they beg the guy for it or make the proposals
~Bee - It stems from misinformation. If it was very clear from the onset that people want to marry virgins or sex before marriage isn't the best thing, it would be the rule as opposed to the exception.
Boyo - u agree with me shey

I just wonder where that last statement came from. Ever talk to someone and realize that they are not quite listening? Yeah.

--In other news, I’ve been terribly interested in what’s going on with my hair of late. I decided to ‘go natural’ last summer, toyed with the idea of dreads and recently thought of cutting it. Like off, like the default for black models.

So I told two of me closest boy pals. They said they’d disown me if I did it, and practically asked my why I was depressed.

Like one’s emotional state effects what they do to their hair? Anyway, if I was unstable, would I ask for opinions? Hello.

So, I’m supposed to be depressed. I guess no work (dear God, let my PPA not mess me up for too much longer), staying at home all day and attempting to study while trying not to spontaneously combust (on account of the boredom) should make me depressed?

Maybe.

I wrote something yesterday and erased it. Something along the lines of:

I’m looking for silver linings, rainbows and light at the end of tunnels.

I’m looking happy endings and it tires me.

-Hope alls more Bright and Shiny for you all that it is for me.
-Honestly.

Water Pipes

2008-03-21T07:23:00.004-04:00

March 14, 2008

-I was supposed to post this last week, alas, life crept up and stole me time away....

There is no water where I stay. From my kitchen window, I can see the pump where those neighbors I don’t know - but will always recognize - wash their clothes...and brush their teeth.

The lucky ones around these parts have a tank and pump water into the pipes for use.

I suppose I'm lucky.

There was an issue with the pipes a while back. A leaking. A plumber came and fixed it. From then, water doesn’t fill out from the tank when it’s full. Instead, the pipes would leak. Add to this a toilet that isn't allowed to flush. If we let water fill the tank, it leaks. So off we turn it.

Which brings me to 'the Day the Plumber Came Back'. I was jarred from sleep @ 9ish or 10ish, after kicking myself for burning daylight; I sauntered into the region of water pumping-ness. I was attending to some things when * *<--insert big crashing, pouring, rushing water sound here.

The pipe connects to the pipe connected to the pump- burst. Water was filling in fast, I want to warn the General, my father, and went back to wade in the water. Eventually the right knob was turned and the water packing began. I'll spare you the dirty cold-water sweeping, packing, dumping details. I will say, there was sweat.

Afterwards, I am informed that I should get ready to go out and collect a letter and that I shouldn't say I want to take my bath, because my Dad woke up early..........

Like waking up at the crack of dawn to bathe in the Nile would've changed the fact that I just spent 20 minutes toe-dipping dirty water.

Well, I ended up chilling for the plumber to come and do his thing. In the bathroom, I stood guard by the door while pretending not to notice that his lackies were ogling at me through the bathroom mirror. I formed activity once more when they finally got to the kitchen. When they finished, I was told to pump water - that all was well.
It wasn't 10 minutes before the pipe burst again. By now, I was some kind of water packing -kitchen mopping pro.

Plumber and lackies come back, with their inside-joke-telling, ogling selves. Apologizes and talk of gum, thread and nylons...I was told not to pump until my Dad came back.

20minutes after that- the pipe dislodged itself from the pumping machine. I had become a tap-closing, water-packing, mopping machine.

I fetched from the unluckys' tap that night.

-Here's to my grad app essays blowing the adcoms' minds AND pipes you don't have to think about, working magically behind walls.

So Irritated

2008-03-16T18:35:00.004-04:00

On the news today, AIT, the Commissioner of Police or somebody said that the lavish lifestyles of celebrities, leads to them being targeted by armed robbers.

That they rent big houses and everybody knows what's inside. Blah blah.

Are you flipping kidding me?!!!?????!!??!?!?!?!!
He didn't even say it like, "they are targets because of their wealth and a b c shall be done to........"....NOPE! He gesticulated about like a slighted child as if its their fault.
-"All you wealthy people, if you just, you know, weren't wealthy, you wouldn't get robbed"

With attitudes like this from those who are meant to be leaders, is it any wonder why there's a 'Brain Drain' in Africa....lets not even pigeonhole it to Nigeria alone.
Maybe we should add 'Prosperity Drain' to the mix.
...People actually sit down and wonder why others leave?

ABJ - LAG

2008-03-06T07:29:00.001-05:00

-My friends have taken to calling me Globetrotter on account of my being in Abuja so often of late. I so so wish I was a new Abuja corper as opposed to a Lag one.

I woke up at around 5ish on Wednesday, with a mind to make it to the....uh...bus stop, by 7-7.30. Tiz got me there around 6.50 and there was not a bus to be found.
Well, no bus I needed- and he didn't want to leave me all abandoned-in-a-lot-like.
So we get ourselves a Plan B and I'm the first passenger, waiting for 5 more, on account of its Luxury bus-ness.
Take off's at 7.30 I'm told.
7.30 comes and goes, morphs into 8, Mofo's, how far? The bus is nowhere to be seen.

So we ask, 'Garcon, ou est la...bus?' We are ignored. I take a new found interest in my phone....and my watch. Eventually, they tell us that a tire had to be fixed. By now I wonder, really, what other buses are around by 8am?

The only male in our company (passengers, that is) flips the craze button in the back of his neck. He wants his money and he wants it now.
The Negro holding it looks an odd mix of about to cry and afraid to laugh. My Spidey senses tingle all over the place. I use to style to ex-myself from the room, as you see; Mr. Man has started to vibrate.
His voice, his hands- or pointing fists, shall I say, even his eyes have joined the mix. They set this Baba to Puree and he Wants his Money Now!

I would like to enter Lagos before the world ends and if Baba wan carry his money go, se dese people no fit tell me dey no wan move again? I wonder, I stew, I really have to use the toilet and I'm chopping all the external gist I can. I contemplate crying, but remember who my Father is. No blody way.

Everyone I ask for the blody key is deflected in their attempts by the Angry Man. So I suffer silently and think to myself. I realize that we are only 4 oh, as Madam has stealthily disappeared and the chicka with a kid paid for two seats. Victim number three comes around and I ask. He ventures into the Lions Den to ask Mr. Cry or Laugh for the key. Baba Angry Man will not agree. Victim 3 says he should calm down. Baba Angry says he shouldn't put his mouth into other peoples' business.

I am telling you, his eyes were red. I guess he was preparing to explode when he reaches out and this guy away. Kinda like a choke maneuver, aimed at the neck. BAM!! All I’d-get-my-ass-kicked-in-a-fight like, but that aint the point.
Our guy tells the Baba that he needs God. In fact, if I wasn't a Christian. In fact, God will judge you. etc, etc, vex, vex. He needs to be placated, they hold him back. I wonder if they even have a key….

Baba Red Eyes is set to Blend-High Speed, spitting something about blasphemy and nonsense. Needless to say, he gets his money back

Somewhere in this, they manage to arrange the key for me. By now, everyone else has asked for their money. He says he'll give it to 'em when he gets back from showing me where exactly one can ease herself. I let him know that, *ahem* you'll give me my money too o, ehen.

8.30ish and I've managed to get my money. Some guys are trying to hustle us into a bus that's forever coming and will meet us by the road.
The chicka with a small kid and the short one that 'knows' about a bus that hasn't left yet - still haven't gotten there money yet. (Did I mention that I got my money? Not quite sure how it happened, but my money was in my pocket. Crazy odd.) The Mother looks like crying is next on her agenda and the short girls' money 'is with the other guy'. You know, someone that hasn't been around since 7.15

The by-the-road bus comes. Short girl can't get her money, tears have already welled up. The guys want to load my things into the other bus. Short Crying says I should chill. Something makes me tell the guy that we are all together. Long story less annoying, we all enter the bus after much…..*sigh*.......and pick up two more people, man and wife. They were bamboozled by Their bus, go figure.

We start heading out, we say a prayer, and our Dear Husband has left some important documents in the last bus. We turn back and end up having to go and meet that bus.
He gets his ish, we head off.

I send status report texts and I sleep. Its 9 am.

-Here's to people with their own cars, one day I'll be like you......one day.....

-I'm all done with the GRE by the way, met or surpassed the cutoffs, na de koko be dat. Celebrations will take place after I kill the next test…. and no, I don’t get off on taking exams.

-Oh, and there is still a Ram outside my window, but its quieter than the last one... :)

I Almost Died

2008-02-16T08:33:00.005-05:00

-I was recently reminded that life is short.

I'm in a cab, on the streets of Abuja, sometime past 6pm. I'm feigning disinterest while stealthily noting that where I am is in indeed enroute to where I'm going.

I'm vibe-ing off of the natural AC coming in and rushing by the right side of my face. I'm totally oblivious to who else in on the road.

Then Someone, the Owner of the Road perhaps, tries to nudge the cab with his car.

“Ah Ah!” The cab driver exclaims as he weaves out of his way, jerking violently to the right -forcing me to pay attention. I look to the left just in time to see a sea of light brownish, creamy sand advance towards the right. Toward the metal casing that happens to encase me and our dear cab driver man.

We SWERVE, making a rapid S motion. This time, I feel myself still moving towards the right as the car is taken eastward again and straightened.

I find myself in love with my seatbelt.

I'm surprised to find my gadgets still in my hands.

I realize; MY LIFE DID NOT HAVE TIME TO FLASH BEFORE MY EYES.

So, if we weren't on the far right of the road....I mean, if God had decided to.....that is to say, if some Negro was coming along by our right…….- going as fast as we were.....I look at the speedometer-

Nothing.

Not even Zero, not even 80, 120, who knows?- the thin red pin rests on the lowest point of the range. Below all the action and way out of order.

I can't tell how fast we're moving. The objects outside the window seem to be yelling 'Slow Down!' as they blend into each other and fade into oblivion. I want to say a prayer or two or four. I can't remember anything but Thank You Jesus. I praise God and falter, Where are the Adjectives?

The cab man wants to vex. He wants to; I don’t know, beat down on the Road Demon and make him repentful. He's talking to himself, because I'm not listening…

I want to touch the ground with my feet.

I wonder how the phone charger on the dashboard didn't fly out of the open window.

I wonder what I'd be wondering if we had hit someone...

A traffic light has stopped the ebb and flow.

Up ahead is a creamy-sand colored Peugot 504 with an arm hanging out of the drivers’ side window.

In my mind, 'God punish you, you wan kill my Momma's first child?', 'Maaan, some people....'

Cab Driver Man is ranting and inching forward.

A uniformed hand sticks out of the passenger side window.

A uniformed man regards us as we glide by. His blank expression revealing nothing and everything; his general lack of care or feeling.

The cab driver and I stare back without really thinking.

-I now know how people in the car feel before a drive by.

Through my eyes, 'Because you have a shiny Peugot? See as your life dey. Nonsense. See as you dey look sef. Abi you never get conscience?' My head fills up with assorted words I try not to say. Followed promptly by ‘Lord forgive me.’

The traffic moves, or rather surges and Cab Driver man feels like going for Round 2. He has determined some course of action in his mind.

I tell him not to vex. I say, 'Abeg, make you no vex'. He mumbles something. I wonder just how bad my Pidgin sounds, and wonder if I could just leave the car-incase.... They turn left.

I praise God that we're going straight. I thank God when I got home. I decided not to divulge the tale to my Auntie.

I told a cab driver today and he shook his head. I told him because he wanted to vex at somebody for Daft driving. I figured he needed a bit of perspective.

I told my friends and they laughed; especially at the part about my life not having time to flash before my eyes. Dear me, I don't think I am That young...

But seriously. No Thank You Jesus. No Save me Lord. No nothing. I barely registered what was happening by the time it was over.

If a car had been coming on the right that would’ve been it.

There is No Time.

-Here's to anyone who caught the humor, anyone who paused to think.

-Holla's toward everyone who remembers to love, before, after and in spite of Valentines Day.

-Prayers to the victims of the latest school shooting, their families, friends and those wounded.

Buses and Doors

2008-02-07T09:31:00.001-05:00

How's life treating you?
Me? Very well thank you for asking.

I'm in our fair nations' capital at the moment, as it is close to me NYSC LGA (got some things...) and I've got a place to stay :D

The other day I was fully kitted in that puke-Corper-Green ensemble and my trousers
were not-quite-as-long as I would've liked 'em to be. My I-am-eight-years-old-Long socks are at home so I rocked my Guess-who's-Normal-Short socks and flashed leg All over the place. I caught one conductor staring,(I've got burn scars) so I stared back until his brain woke up.

Most of the way to and fro I slept. I didn't feel quite up to whipping out my IPod as I would rather like to keep it, so to the land of nod I went. Especially easy when the gist was not so much dans la bus (in the bus).

I Was awake long enough to hear some guy ask the guy to his left if he saw 'the match yesterday', obviously referring to thing the Super Eagles did. So I looked back. I mean, you proly would have too. Next thing, the asker decides its just about the right time to start asking Me a few questions.

So now he knows my name and where I was posted. By the time he told me his name I decided that next time, I will not smile at people, unless they are with children, old or not guys. Not on the bus anyway.

--------------------------------------

The next day, I went to see a friend of mine.( checked my mail for free, it was awesome :P )
After assorted pleasantries, like lemming tight and blushing in front of the folks, we picked up a friend of his and bounced along to see a couple more corpers. You know, the suit and tie sort.

Sadly, gists were cut short as I had a rather early 'curfew' and Tiz had to beat his parents home. (That 'curfew' sef, I just got here, gimme some time to work that out ;) )
My boy Tiz drove, through the gate and to the house, and THUS began the production of Opening the Door.

I assumed it was unlocked as me Auntie clearly said 'Come in' after I knocked, so door handle turning, I push.
Nothing.

Perhaps this door is shy, I think because of the size of the car that dropped me.
Door handle turn again...Push.

I'm wondering if I am indeed That small, I mean come on.
Turn handle. Push. Remember key. Turn key. Unlock.Turn Handle. Push.Push. Turn Handle...Push!

My Auntie wonders what exactly could be so difficult and comes to show me just how one opens a door.

Alas, the door is jammed.

Tiz tries, using the same Throw Body Against Door technique I had tried and grossly failed at.
De Nada.

Lots of repetition, my side hurts from laughing, I mean, I can't imagine what he put his back through. I'm sure his side wasn't to happy at being slammed against a door.

I eventually have to ask Ash, Tiz's friend, to stop watching the film for a moment and join in the Great Door Opening Task.
Norring for him.

By now, I'm sure the neighbors are wondering just wat is so funny, cuz when I laugh, I really laugh. Certainly no fronting there, and it was just about mid-evening. (Like, what time is that, right?)

We borrowed a knife and a spoon from the girls next door(....not those Girls...if you watch E!) and obtained a screw driver from Someone that actually threatened to break.

All trying and laughing. No opening.
Finally my Auntie tells the guys to just force it open. They rear back Bruce Lee style and....
The door flies open, Tiz lands with one leg in the house and the backdrop is laughter. Auntie included.

See the ground outside, leading up to the door, is about a foot higher than the floor in the house. So really, I'm not sure how he didn't fall in. Especially since Ash Jackie Chan'd the door open, and Tiz used all his energy to land.

Cutlery is returned to the girls next door and after a full appraisal by Tiz and Ash both, at least, what they could see through the open door, the boys move towards the car, all ready to go.

And then the door on the drivers side refused to open...
.......it did eventually open, and by then Ash and I had to match Tiz's seriousness...I mean, dude had to beat the 'rents home, sure he coulda done without 20 minute Opening Ceremonies. ;)

-I think I may hate Yakubu SE. If I cared enough to recognize him if I ever saw him, I may be moved to spit on the ground near his feet.

Oh, P.S I was slightly lost the other day and standing by the road side in the darkness, waiting for me four-wheel-driving help when some random Negro got all up in my grill and said "I WANT you to HELP me with 500 NAIRA". Twice. I ignored him as I prayed fire and started planning how I'd cause him as much physical pain as possible if he chose to try anything funny. Thankfully, the freak show walked on....I run down o.

-Hope you all get your miracles.
Here's to friends being there when you need 'em, and truly missed when they aren't there.

There's a Ram Outside My Window

2008-02-01T11:23:00.001-05:00

-Well, it’s not directly outside my window, Praise Jesus.

I'm not on the ground level. But it is close enough. I can see it if I peek past me curtains. Just …there, a blo’y stones throw from where I rest me head.

Everyday it makes this BLEEAAAAAHHHHH sound. Over and over again, and Loudly, like its really angry, or perhaps in the depths of glee, who knows? All I know is, the sound grates against my ears like pepper in an unsuspecting eye, and I can't wait until the owners, well put me out of my misery.

The sooner that bleating menace is removed from its little tree post, well, the sooner I get to not hear that chorus of BLEEAAAAAHHHHH BLEEAAAAAHHHHH BLEEAAAAAHHHHH, all the better for everyone, as the owners will have a fridge full of ram for a while.

I went to bed in the wee hours of this morning and that ram was keepin time with its little solo act. It’s a wonder I ever got to sleep, and sure as the sun, our dear one hit wonder was at it as I woke up....and ever since.

-In other news.....yeah, I've gotten oodles of recent advice from a friends including:
"This is a fight you should have started a bit ago" -Ts,
"You know, things change slowly" -Tiz,
"Get someone to engage you" -Ez,
"ride your bike"(Ts again) and
"....it takes a stronger man to lay down and get walked over" (Tiz again).
To which I responded how do you figure? and was promptly told "Perspective".

Other than that I'm praying for miracles and studying GRE vocabulary words, to which I must return, with celerity.

-Prayers to everyone, everyone could use a good miracle.

And so....

2008-01-18T00:10:00.001-05:00

..yeah, couldn't think of a title. Condolences

I followed my own advice and what do you know, life just handed me some rose colored glasses. I just, you know, prayed to my Father and stopped all the blo'y anticipating and lookie here!...life continues and things are well.
Yay!

What am I rambling about, you may wonder. Well, yesterday was The Day that came complete with ringing bells. The Day, I found out if I was screwed or still had a fighting chance.

Watch out now, I've got meself a chance :) I got in around after 9 or so, lemmed like a fool and promptly fell asleep. Only to wake up with a mad headache. Like summo wrestlers have been practicing on me noggin, or the Harlem Globetrotters have used me cranium for a ball. Tis really quite...impressive.
The hard rock drummer boy ceased for a bit while I read me Bible, but started right back up again since.

Oh, did I forget to mention that I woke up at 3:30 for some reason? Yeah, still no clue as to why. The marching band only commenced after I regained consciousness.

-I've got to remind myself to Carpe Diem every once in a while. But it seems the wanting is a far cry from the doing, and all the wishing in the world never accomplished anything. Better to actually Seize the Day than to waste away contemplating how nice it would be to indeed day seize, n'est ce pas?

--A schoolmate of mine died recently. On the way to or from Yobe. The funeral was yesterday and I didn't know her at all. I suppose now I never will.

Live. Learn. Repeat, pass it on.

Antici-Freakin-Pation...

2008-01-06T16:00:00.000-05:00

Whatever has been happening to keep me away from me blog....man....

I hate Anticipation.
Perhaps me coat of optimism has a few pessimistic streaks in it, who knows? All I know is; when you're really happy about something that's gonna happen, someone that's gonna show up, heck - who's calling...that's when the situation does a 180 on you and leaves you in the cold.

For instance, back in the day when someone had the bright idea to cart the family down to Disney World, I immediately thought 'AWEESOMMMEE!!' and started visualizing just how much once-in-a-lifetime fun I'd have running about and all such nonsense. After being forced to carry ill fitting bulky sweaters about in the deepest of summer and look like an all around schmo carting about avec ton famille(think back to teenage-dom people) I generally had one of the worst vacations ever, complete with never ending criticisms on things I can't remember, imagine that.

Or like my 21st birthday when I planned a very modest parade complete with at least one whistle and lots of lip gloss. Well, that was practically Monsooned. Yeah.
Broken levy, no life jacket ruined, by a few strategically placed needles.

Today, I was all but hauled out of bed at up peu crazy hour a crazy little hour (5 blo'y! am) so ze famille could drive to an airport and see someone off. I had already started planning how I'd utilize the newly given space once appropriated. Guess who's ticket had a little snafoo? Yeah. That's why I'm home sans newly appropriated space avec everyone I left the house with this morning, a sore(er) back and one freshly packed load.

I'm sure if anyone had the time and energy to think back to their first kiss, you know, waaayy back when, they'd remember just how badly it sucked (puns intended) especially (Most especially) if they were looking forward to it.
Try to keep that in mind on your wedding day. Don't say I didn't warn you.

So I've decided, in order to maintain my general level of Bright and Shiny without actually breaking anything, I should just Not happily anticipate anything.

No more 'what might happen tomorrow if something happens today'.
No happy faced insinuations about what Anyone is Possibly thinking.
No more feelings of good intentions on the other guys' part.
No 'I-can't-wait-till...!' or 'I'd-be-so-happy-if'.

De nada.

I'll 'That-would-be-nice' and not dwell on it, cuz its the dwelling that gets me every stinking time.

Every Blo'y Stinkin' Time.

Thank God for God and other people's guilt working in my favor.
Hoo-ah.

Happy New Year

2007-12-26T18:36:00.000-05:00

"It's our choices, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."

Chew on that.

That's pretty much what it all boils down to.
And smack dab in the season of resolution making and the like, what better time to be reminded, hmm?

I suppose a list o'me resolutions should be in the making, though I'll pro'ly keep that bit of writing to meself when its done; hot, fresh and ready to go.
Here's to keeping resolutions and not letting them bite the dust, prematurely or otherwise.

Hope everyone had a nice Christmas, praying we all can have Happy New Year.

-Bee

p.s. Right about now, I'm choosing to see most everything as downright awesome.

Bye now.

Missed You

2007-12-23T06:53:00.000-05:00

I have neglected me dear blog and I suppose some price is to be paid because of it. In the meantime, that poetry bug bit me a while ago and I daresay I have somethings to air. Hideously title-less, what I'll refer to as 'Tress' is about, trees, or growth, moving day perhaps; you're free to interpret freely.

The other one is rather self explanatory I think. Just me musings, hope ya'll enjoy

Trees fly by my window
taking a moment to pause
-like slow motion footage.

The sounds that night
makes against tire
treads become their
melody.
Added to the wind song
and the branches
seem to dance.

Trees run by me and I
turn back to
catch them going,
Soaring, swiftly
shrinking into nothing
as I'm carried further

from home.

I'm supposed to be glad.
I have seen a semblance of light at the end of what has been a dim squalor filled tunnel. The light, though it seems to brighten- it also seems to get further away.
Like I'm a fish in a pond and some freckle faced nine year old is dangling worms just out of my reach.
Just off to the side-bordering on my peripheral vision is a goal I just cannot help but meet.
If God has gotten me this far, who am I to judge?...and still, knowing that I shouldn't- I do.

-I went to church this morning and had to add this, @ around 2pm-

When you're young, preschool, kingergarten etc, there's this fire. A burning, bubbling passion behind your eyes that makes you think you can fly.

Somewhere in our growth, other peoples' opinions and impending adulthood shakes our happy from us. Scares us into doubting ourselves and thinking that just maybe, we cannot fly or our ideas just aren't good enough.
We decide we are more than slightly irritated with ourselves and have grown accustomed to our smiles.

Remember when you thought you were too special, invincible, just plain awesome, pretty much all that and a bag of chips.

When you were happily yourself and in love with your smile? I, we, need to get back to that. Unconditionally loving ourselves.

-God loves us, who are we to say he's wrong?

--I realize this may not apply to everyone, but if it applies to anyone reading, well, then maybe there was a reason I just had to write this during my churchs' Christmas Eve's eve service.

Corpers Wey Dey Nasarawa

2007-11-13T06:07:00.000-05:00

I went to Nasland with my trusty pad of paper and me pens. So when I wasn't catching trips or just basically trying to enjoy myself, I would scribble away.
Enough said, I think.

:
October 16, 2007
NYSC Warriors. The elite class – shinagami – taken against their personal wishes and desires to satisfy the national decree – to frog jump to the discontent of their knees, to sit on the ground after standing far longer that than the ‘unlucky’ 99% of the country not chosen.

October 18, 2007 I
Thinking of what to write is a dulling activity. The fact that sleeps’ call has been unanswered couldn’t be helping the matter much.

I am sitting, in the midst of a mass of funk. It seeps out from the ground and chokes me when I dare to venture towards cramped quarters. – When I choose to believe a hall built for NYSC corpers could actually house all of them. When I’m naïve enough to think anyone feels I deserve a seat.

I am sitting on concrete steps directly across from my hostel. Looking at the window beside my bed, casually checking that the door is still locked. – Just in case I might steal a wink or two, on a bed that stamps a pattern of iron on my back, yet oddly, feels like home.

I am hearing and seeing and smelling my fellow corpers all around me, not so much a sensory feast as an ever constant ebbing pulse.
-Not to be confused with the situation in my dust orange ‘jungle boots’ as they are so lovingly referred to. A party of sorts is taking place, nerve endings dancing galala sporadically as I walk, sit or stand. The mere notion of movement starts the festivities and my “rubber” soled boots transfer the shape, size and texture of everything they touch.

-Thank God for sports. We were divided into platoons today. God help anyone in my group who has prepared to dull in any capacity. May the good Lord help then to cope when I begin to demonstrate my craze, for by the Lords’ grace I gotta enjoy myself. Any and all trips that I could catch will be caught, and I shall not dull for too long.
No sha.

October 18, 2007 II
Officially, the period of Dorcasing has begun. I think it started at the gate with preliminary scoping.
Mens and mostly boys –with no knowledge or care of previous attachments are forming serious activity. Already I’ve given out 2 fake numbers and endured what only could have started out as ‘smoothness’ in their collective minds.
Its only the first Thursday.
Did I neglect to mention that I can barely call? By this I mean I’ll go towards the main gate and reboot my phone in order to catch a service window. All this stress so thieves don’t steal my 3230. Right now it rests peacefully in my fathers house.
I’ll let you know if it was worth it.

??
NCCF, apparently, is the place to be – that is if the concept of taking my soul to rest with Jesus makes sense. It was by chance that I went today, or this evening, but I thank God that I did. If I can go to church every day for the rest of camp; maybe it’ll make up a bit for my general lack of church-going-ness. Maybe.

???
Today a solider told me my glasses were not allowed, that I had to go without them or produce a paper, abi- my paper or whatever he said.
Like ‘Prescription’ was too heavy for his mouth.

--As I write this, leaning on a door post in a crowded lecture hall, I’m aware that I will be writing many a blog-entry-full. I can already think of two of my niggas who may just decide to boycott your humble Bee-ness in favor of more concise blogrolls.
-Tres sorry, the things to do here in corper-topia are suffer (apparently), sports, eat, sleep and of course – the necessary evil that is Dorcasing.

October 23, 2007
These niggas force us to go to seminars.
Oh yeah, I’ve been to two days’ worth. That is, I actually heard what they were saying twice. That’s about the last 2 of 3 or so. I can remember. I’m too busy trying to sleep while doing drills at the parade ground; sleeping while sleeping, standing or walking. I’d jog with my eyes closed if not for fear of the terrain. For fear of falling on my face. And getting things in my hair.
Everyday is at least a lecture. During every worship, they market their goods.

I need to find my Ride-or-Die niggas. One’s in the kitchen, one’s proly talking to mon, the other two are proly talking to womon. Me? I’m sitting in the first row and trying seriously not to fall asleep. Wishing I was sitting with a Platoon member I could talk to like the nigga five rows back. Ok, I really wish I was in his seat, cuz then I could sleep with ease. E-ea-se.
Wishing I was in my b-e-d, oh yeah…….

I run down, no one to talk to, nothing to do- I’m thinking about drumming up the courage to bounce.
~Like a ride or die nigga.
Praise Jesus, I need someone to carry me.
Indeed.

November 6, 2007 I
Thank God for our-crested vest, oh my bad- the NYSC T-shirt. Praise god for our ugly trousers and jungle boots too- because it makes people recognize you- 4 aid or 2 cheat
Praise God it’s been more of the former.

So I marched in the passing out parade. First line. I knew I was hungry before we began. I knew I wanted to faint when the mechanics of vision and breathing eluded me. The Sun bore into my flesh like a strategically placed needle sapping me of strength. My lips knew grief as the later unfulfilled promise of water was given.

I broke out of my solider stance and gave Governor and the press varying poses instead. What I wanted to do we give in a full-out pass out. No sounds, no theatrical flailing of the arms. Just me relieving my feet of their duty and falling to the ground like a log of wood.
Enter images of my head CRACKING on the cement parade ground and the wahala that is Red Cross coming to take me away or revive me. Whatever.

So I gasped for breath and shifted my weight to my toes and vexed silently for the 2 opening statements and award ceremony that preceded the Governors speech. I vexed for the Governors speech as I trickled salty water under an angry Sun.
I consoled myself with the idea of sitting down immediately after being dismiss.
Forgot about the business of collection my posting letter.

---So I stood among the mob and strained to hear my number. They were about 100 away. Did I mention the Viju or Nutri Milk? My almighty Bank-of-Me pouch was with a friend, upon seeing my ½ dead state, he hooked me up with some. God Bless ‘im.

So I stood and got my paper. My friend got Karu. My friend who worked her posting. My friend that would’ve joined me into her runs if not for that fact that other runs were meant to be going on or………..Hmm, perhaps I gawked myself – cuz I jealous small.
No worries, possibilities remain for as long as God dey.

I found a friend going to Lafia. Bussed with him. Half of my load went to Karu.
Somehow the dirty little business of registration got taken care of.

~~The day I left it was about 6pm, I probably got cheated on the fare, I got to Abuja about 9 and would've been stranded if not for God and GSMs. The next morning I started my fantastic journey to Lag, sleeping or pretending to the whole way.

Then I proceeded to sleep for the whole weekend. So sweet.~~

--The main block of time that is unaccounted for was probably when I was playing volleyball, cooking, eating at Mami, going to daft shows, enduring lectures or sleeping, who knows?

-Here's to all the Batch B kiddes that got a shade or more darker during the 3weeks....
Tha blacka tha berry, sweeta da juice-Tupac

Call up Day

2007-10-09T12:56:00.000-04:00

-I would like to take this time to note that Every time I've gone to school, 3 times in the past few weeks, it has rained. Seriously. Not Singin' In The Rain rain, pull-out-your-rubber-shoes-and-pray rain.

Ok, Monday was the day when all my former classmates came together in search of a half sheet of paper with a portion of our future etched upon it.
It really should be called a 'Call On' letter, because the crying and rejoicing that ensued will surely lead to us all calling on the Lord.

When I got to school my committee of friends congratulated me on getting Oyo state. Needless to say, I couldn't run down. I have more than enough people there and hey, that's where me boy was posted. - Alas, it would not turn out to be so easy. When I finally received my call up letter, not finally really, there was no line when I went, I just sort of told the dude my name; I saw boldly typed Nassarawa.

First I thought, "Nassara-wah-hun?" Then I thought, "Nice joke boyos." The look on their faces proved it was an honest error that made them believe I'd be coasting through my service year in IB.

Lets just say I wore a shock-smile for a while before the dulling started. Everything was 'Pele' 'Pele'. 'Its not too bad, sha.' 'It's ok.' 'Are you going?' 'Eya, eya' I swear, pity doesn't make you feel better at all. It kinda makes you want to throw things.

Then I was put in the position of actually Convincing my father to let me serve. Talk about role reversal. God knows why he agreed. Seems like we're all praying for me to get posted to Abuja.....Heck, I couldn't have passed the GTB test for nothing.

I heard an in @ camp is working at the Medical Center. Well that's out.
I also heard something about people in sports enjoying. They didn't have to pass that gist twice. I will regular jock when I land. Let 'em just wait.

-Sorry if this sounds disjointed, cuz my thoughts are doing the 400M relay about my head at the moment. Ya'll should pray for me o; I want to pay my 3week Nassarawa dues and bounce to Abuja as quickly as I can.
-Trying to breathe

Me? ...Overdue?

2007-09-21T12:12:00.000-04:00

As I haven't spa-lay-ed my brain on ze world du blogger in a while, I guess an update is in order.

But as the present state of events has me floating in an abyss of 'What Now?' and 'Who-Wha-Huhn?' I'm afraid I have nothing worth reading in me.

I suppose I could venture a poem, or I could pray to God for strength as the day that will determine which fork in the road I sashay down towards the rest of my life- draws closer.

I daresay I'd rather not sashay unprepared, so pray I shall.

-Prayers toward the NYSC Batch B kiddies, counting their blessings and holding their breath. Prayers also for the Jena 6.

Ella-ella-eh-eh-eh

2007-09-07T06:59:00.000-04:00

Went to school today. Rained the whole journey through. Somewhere along the line Fantastic Voyage by Coolio became the soundtrack of the ride. Before we could actually go to school, we being my sis and I, we had to stop over at a bank and pay all the blo’y fees we could think of. Lucky for her my mind wouldn’t let me rest until I brought my file along. Just so happens we needed a few account numbers that were safely found therein.
Anyway, nobody cares and that aint the point.

For those who have been to a bank in Naija recently, some have these tube-like sliding doors that transport you to the pristine center of money changing, be it zenith or UBA. Well, these machines, turning doors if you will, seem to dislike me a lot. I mean I had keys in my hand, phones and a hard drive in my bag. - I wasn’t recently briefed on tube door etiquette. Nobody told me I was required to lock my bag in a very safe (scoff) looking box outside the bank premises. So after about the 3rd try – and a throughout explanation of tube door procedure, I ran in the increasingly falling rain, dropped my bag in a car and emerged into the bank victorious. –with out the account numbers. Sigh and repeat. By now my 20’s hair bump is slightly damp and more than a little lopsided - only to enter without a pen.

Big deal, no pen, I cop one, do the deeds required and come outside to torrential rains. Okay, just cats and dogs, but feel me on this one, no umbrella.
So, hmm, my rides’ picking me up @ WEMA, my sisters’ @ WEMA, Einstein would’ve advised me to move along, so I mosey, dodge crazed glances, rain puddles and cars, head bent, plowing straight for a dry cushioned stool marked with a Bee beside my sister – and some of the people huddled in their hiding places, safe from the falling rain, start chanting… “Umbrella, Umbrella”. I kid you not. The key was off but never–the–less, I stole an umbrella from a passerby and broke into my best Good Girl Gone Bad dance, amid the pouring rain….COME ON!!!!

I hopped over a puddle, dashed up the steps and waited, patiently for my ride amidst WEMA security...Hello!

The Reckoning

2007-08-31T08:38:00.001-04:00

I asked myself, 'What do you reckon I do?'. To which I proceeded to rant...

Summer's over, apparently, but only for those in the western world and other places I am not in at the moment. :) Luckily, I have found myself in the Land of the Sun. (sorry Rhianna, tis of Naija I speak, not ze Carribean) So as I sit looking towards October and the inevitable NYSC camp, I can only think of how to make this month not suck any more royally. --I say 'any more' because the jet plane over wasn't a jump up and clap experience. My stomach may still be reeling from the substances served as food on my flight down *gag*

I figure I'll try my hand at writing, not the garden blog variety, though I surely wouldn't mind. Actually try, I mean, to pen my mind on something other than a online blog and countless pieces of paper. I'm hoping assorted magazines won't mind too much and who am I to talk if they want to pay me to be myself?

Worst case I'll write for meself and that'll be the end of it. I just figure I'll regret it sometime waaay into the future when I'm a sort of happy wrinkled shell of my former-ness; that is, if I don't try.

-"The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago, but a better time is now. "
How true is that?

C'est Fini!

2007-08-21T15:18:00.000-04:00

So I went to the third, and last, wedding-like event of August this weekend.
Celebrating 25 years of marriage and 2 graduations.

We got to the church Episcopal Church of James, late and sat in the Very Last Pew. (Reason's To Be On Time #1)

Mrs Reverend, yeah Mrs. talked, we stood and read the bold text, we sang songs we didn't know, they invited us to kneel or stand...everybody stood. I walked about a mile to the bathroom, seriously, the men's bathroom was down a flight of stairs while women had to trek through tables and chairs to venture through an unlabeled door (see my life like film), I came back just in time for communion to end.

Okay the deed is, well redone, everybody leaves...well we leave, everyone else poses for the camera *click*click*click*. We got lost three times before making it to the reception. And now my sister and I sit with a group of adults we don't know and alas, thus begins pleasant 2-way conversation.

After waiting amidst smooth oldies and Sprite, its time to Mange! And mange we did. I tore that fish up! Word of Mouth!! Lemme tell you, my plate wasn't light in any way.

Food digested and people cold, the happy couple, mad cute by the way, opened up the dance floor and away they went, the young and old alike.

A billion Naija songs and Old School jams later; someone starts the Electric Slide and I cannot be stopped. After that they started me on some sort of New Generation Electric Slide that had us spinning about the place. Didn't fall once, yay! Props to the middle aged woman that taught us all. I tortured my toes, bloody heels, with some Salsa inspired number and a Naija jam or two before I took my leave.

After making my Mom wonder "where did you learn to dance like that?", all is a blur. I remember sleeping in the car on the way home, and being in love with my bed. Hmm...

- My birthday was the day after, so yeah me! I'd show you the purple and white, flowered rectangle of joy we ate, but, you know, we ate it.

Mar-ee-ag-e

2007-08-12T17:01:00.000-04:00

I hope you didn't pronounce it 'Marriage', for shame.

So there was a wedding yesterday. True to form, I got my pad of paper ready and willing to go....then I forgot it. Luckily my sister was there to spot me. So here's the lowdown from the tiny pieces of paper I had, pretty much in real time.

'Our Lady pf Hungary Catholic Church
Saturday, August 11, 2007

The most boring I've ever been to. The pastor stared by speaking
very
slowly,
like he was learning to read.
We got here 15 minuets after it started and so we missed the brides march, and hence- little flower girl chile.
They've read from the book of Tobit(say WHAT now?) Matthew and 1 Peter.
No one laughs, no one smiles, I feel like slamming my head into the pew. Pastor is going on and on about DIVORCE! Maybe its just me but - I thought this was a wedding mass, not a counseling mass.

I'm just wondering how the Hungarian chicka met the Nigerian man. Pastor acts like what he is saying is off the top of his head.
The sister gives the bride away, with ring bearer in tow. The flower girl with her cute curly ponytail makes herself part of the giving away party. Her older sister or so has to tear her away.

And these vows are definitely not the cookie cutter version. Apparently, Catholics addfrosting to their vows. Nice. Miss Bride has the nicest accent, "Aye Elzbeita". Hot dress by the way, sleevless, well.... halter -tie-in-the-back number. Go Edwin, you've got yourself a looker.
An altar boy is doing the rumba in a chair, bored much?, poor kid. Flower chile is just jumping all over the place, how cute. Looking like Miss Tyra from WAYYY back in the day. One word FOREHEAD!

So, husband and wife are sitting on chairs now, after saying a prayer. Getting communion now. By way, the ring bearer was denied the ring pillow for reasons of his ancy-ness so he settled with aiming a pink rose at everyone in the church.

-By the way, when Pastor paved the way for the kissing of the bride, stud kissed her on the check.

4ish. So, reception time. They started 30minutes late, I guess to make up for being on time for the wedding ceremony. My brothers and I were Fairies of Light, lighting all the candles on all the tables amidst the slaw jawed stares of some and possiblly, the outright jealousy of others for not being chosen for such a prestigious task.'

The food was on time, I didn't die of hunger, they called all the over sixteen ladies to stand in line to catch the bouquet. We avoided it like the plague.
-And if we had all stayed still, it would have hit me smack dab on the head. Thank God for 16year olds itching to get married. Oh I'm sorry; Mar-ee-d

Born Dead

2007-08-02T18:41:00.000-04:00

My Mom came home from work today on time; which was odd as she said she come in early and we'd Girls Night Out at an arts festival.
Needless to say we didn't go. But it took about an hour to ascertain the reason why. She said she had a bad day at work and didn't feel like going out. Why? .....

She was called to check on a woman in labor, well, more than likely, see to the child, (she's a pediatrician). The hear monitor looks good and lil'miss Mama is told to push. The baby comes out with no vitals, pale and with skin already peeling.

Turns out the lil'miss Mama to be had removed the baby's heart monitor sometime last night, so it was the mothers' the doctors kept seeing.

Did I mention lil'miss Mama is 16?

Why baby continue having (or trying) babies, is beyond me. Who takes a heart monitor OFF? How can you refuse to think at such a level?

Lilmiss Mama was in so much shock she had to be sedated to sleep, and I'm sure it wont be much better for her tomorrow. To think that an action a small and ultimately frivolous as removing a piece of medical equipment cost someones life.........

-Prayers to those in Minnesota who were affected by the bridge that collapsed.

Naija Weekend

2007-08-01T11:53:00.000-04:00

Yeah, right, every weekend is a Naija weekend at my house, but this past weekend gets a cookie cuz we added a Naija wedding, sort of, to the mix.

So friends of the family that have been married for 25 years decided to do an American style wedding as their anniversary extravanganza and renew their vows. Tres romantic n'est ce pas?
So my little brother was one of the junior groomsmen...did I mention there were about nine people on each side of the pulpit minus the happy couple and the pastors? Yes, pastors.

Because my lil' bro, was 'part of the train' we had to get there early. That meant we arrived at 3:30 for a 4pm wedding. They started at 4:35, to my upmost happiness and our secondary bride wore a lovely laced-back white with red trim gown.
The pastor from their church (SDA) told all married couples in the church to stay near each other and take the ceremony as being as much for them as the people that payed for it. So his wife stood up beside him for the entire ceremony.

The youngest child of the couple sang 'Wind Beneath My Wings' amidst tears, it was so heartfelt. And when they told Mr. Groom again to kiss the bride, it was only after they had all the couples in the attendance do the same. So all in all it was mondo sweet.

The reception on the other hand was long as all manner of goodness, I felt like I didn't eat anything, though I had a full plate of assorted cold pastas, rice, fish and salad.

-And alas, there was no cake to be found...or should I say, we left before they passed that out.

Today is Wednesday

2007-07-25T23:21:00.001-04:00

-First off, I'd like to say thanks to everyone who gave me props for my poem; Mad love to all of you.

So today is Wednesday, as I have already noted which means many things I suppose, but right now, means this: Yesterday was Tuesday, my date with the masked man with pliers.

My lets-yank-your-teeth-out appointment was scheduled for 9am and like a good yankee infused naija chick I arrived early. Was this due to the fact that I could barely sleep the night before on account of the wicked jitterbugging occurring in my stomach? Perhaps because I woke up waaay too early and wondered if I really needed to have my offending molars removed? I do indeed believe so.

So I arrive early, and cop a chair avec un People magazine. Less than ten minutes later I hear my name being butchered and I realize my time has come. The assistant, lest call her Smiley Nurse proceeds to further butcher my name as she leads me to the Chair where the deed will go down. She smiles some words that I don't hear and trips-trops along in a merry way to call the Doctor. His name is Burns, but I think Plier-Man works better, don't you?

Anyway, Plier-Man comes in sporting a wide-as smile and we do the Doctor patient dance for a while, I get an X-ray, I wait. And wait. By now, Smiley Nurse has told me all about the only Nigerian she knows, Yemi something or other, and asks (of course) if I know him. She has also put a towel on my chest and another on my head, pinned them together an placed a suction tube over my shoulder. So I look like a little black Dutch girl and I wait some more.

Smiley Nurse checked on me about 5 times. Plier-Man was busy doing who knows what. I waited so long she offered me a magazine after walking in on my photo shoot; avec mon camera phone, tres chic. I waited so long I considered pretending I never came and just walking out. I ended up calling Smiley-Nurse over to remove the blue towels she encased me in so I could go to the bathroom.

Finally Plier-Man came. Enter syringe. Oh, wait, I mean needle. Enter really big needle into my sour gum. Three injections of local anesthetic and only one tear from me. Somewhere, someone thinks I deserve a cookie. Enter pliers. A bit of meringue with the pliers and pop-goes-the-upper left molar. Mr.Plier Man then starts on the lower one, you know, the impacted one. That means its coming out sideways, or was. Enter pain, like a slap in the dark. Needless to say, I got very acquainted with the needle yet again. Eventually Plier-Man finished his work and I got home at about 12.

- I've got a hole, a row of stitches and about 2 weeks of pity from my household. Then again, I'm also trapped in a world of pudding, Advil and antibiotics for a while. Just praying against a dry socket. Praying hard.

Sweat off my Pen

2007-07-21T14:02:00.000-04:00

I wish to craft a work
of sheer poetry.
Alliteration and rhyme,
a keen sense of timing.
Words that leap up to
play with your eyes.

Four wheel driving
your imaginations.

I wish to convey a
feeling a thought.
Paint a picture in
verbs that sound
like the thought
in my head.

But the melody slips
through my fingers
- like sweat off my pen.
Perhaps another day I'll try again.

Long overdue

2007-07-17T12:07:00.001-04:00

Wow, it seems I've been away for quite a while, not sure how I let that happen.
Maybe I'll break my rant up into groups in order to cover everything. Oh well. We'll see what happens.

I think overdue is a fitting title for this post since I'll be going to get some of my wisdom teeth pulled, or is it broken off? in about a week. Teeth that should have been dislocated from my jaw about five years ago. Hmm. That oughta be a moment to remember. I pray they don't forget anything in me this time around. And may dry sockets not be my portion, in Jesus' name.

Its really silly how next week is gonna work out, on Tuesday, I'll have my date with the man in a mask and some pliers of doom. (But the blo'y thing is impacted and it hurts like all manner of 'dear me', five years is really too long to delay such a thing.) Friday, I'll get my hair done, possibly still woozy from the Codeine or whatever I'll need. Still deciding if I should Rhianna my hair up or go for a Niama inspired mohawk cut. Then there's the wedding on Saturday....

Maybe by then I'll be lucid and any swelling would have gone down. I should be praising God I was able to get an appointment so soon, really, I just called them yesterday and they were telling me the earliest spot was in September!. That'll be the day, I'll suffer in silence for a few more months only to miss my appointment due to NYSC. My jaw is killing me none too softly and its ironic that it'll take a bit more pain for it to stop. - But hey, its not my fault my Dad refused to let me take my molars out when the problems were noticed; or is it?

In other news; I have been reminded, once again, that I am not the only college graduate that doesn't quite know which way to go next.
Like this is meant to give me some sort of morbid joy. I've asked God, I ask God, I'm asking God. The apparent absence of an answer makes me wonder if a) God has taken me off speed dial or b) I've subconsciously or otherwise refused to accept the answer.
Tis many a puzzling thought, and I'm an over-thinker to begin with. The fact that NYSC is spewwing some nonsense about not having provision for all the grads isn't helping matters either. Instead of September service, some peeps would have the wait till March. March! no less!
I really can't understand why the concepts of planning and maintainance are so hard for some individuals to grasp.

-Just hoping the lighted path shows up sooner than later and trying not to drown in the what ifs .

Weird

2007-07-04T09:37:00.000-04:00

My baby is dieing, but it aint dead yet. I thank God this death is a slow and drawn out one, hopefully I can transfer all my info before she bites the big one. Tis a sad turn of events just the same.

Yesterday was a weird day. I was trying out my mini-Afro on a trip to the dentist and I added fuel to the XY's argument 'Women don't know how to drive'. Its almost embarrassing, who scratches a mirror on the driveway as they back out? Who Flubs on a repeated action? Oh vey indeed, but I just gave my baby fro a pat and drove on.

So I get to the dentist and I'm given various numbing agents so they can take care of me cavities...I have a strange feeling I should be embarrassed to mention this. They poke, the probe, they fill, apparently and off I go. Mercy me my face is slightly swollen. Dear me, its even slightly painful to the touch. I don't believe this is a normal side effect, but I tough it out and wait for my sister to face the dentist.

By the time she's done, I've already visited the nearest mirror and fallen back aghast at how obvious the swelling is and asked for the dentist. "I don't understand why there should be swelling, there wasn't any swelling the last time. Is it possible that I could be having a reaction to something?" I worry, imagining that my Elephant Man smile may become a permanent fixture of my visage.
The dentist gives me a song and dance about fluids and painkillers and I nod, imagining my face swelling with an increased fervor to the size of a basketball.

We get in the car and I give my sis a bit more ranting about not liking that my face is swollen. Gingerly I touch the spot where my face seems to have acquired its own zip code. "Here, you feel it. Its hard!" My eyes must have been like saucers. She presents me with an index finger and stabs at the place I gestured to. A sharp pain pulls me away from her critique and all of a sudden I remember something.

I turn away and reach my index finger under my lip. Sure enough something welcomes me. A bit of searching and out comes the cotton who-the-hell-knows-what dentists use so they can get to the teeth without attacking the lips.

The man Forgot something in my mouth! How is this possible?

Needless to say my sister laughed up quite a storm. It took about half a minute for the mortification to wear off before I started laughing too. I considered calling the dentist but decided against it. He'll just have to read it like everyone else.

-Reminds me of a story where doctors operated on a man and then left a towel in him, which decayed and caused a host of other problems later on. I suppose I should thank God I wasn't in oral surgery.

Ok Now

2007-06-28T13:27:00.000-04:00

I just, you know, fought the good fight with illness as it were. Then right after that ended, my body must have decided it wasn't enough, so I get slapped in the face with a mini insomnia bout.

Alls well that ends well, you'd think; since I sleep like a wee lamb yesterday. But there's this little incident with my baby.
Now, I'm afraid I must clarify, my baby aint my boi so don't get too excited, my baby is the final remains of my laptop. A harddrive encased in a swanky blue house with a lovely little case that tricks people into thinking its some Really Big iPod.

So the incident. I plug my baby in, I browse around for some files. I'm browing through Independent Film shorts, I'm sending pictures, my baby and I are just having a jolly old time skipping and playing and whatnot....
Then, you know, KAPOW!!! and baby's making some noises and look--that folder of music is empty all of a sudden, and hmm-- seems as though my system doesn't see it anymore!

I refresh, I pray, I hold my breath and unplug it- then repeat. I Restart my system and now I suppose I should start thinking of the eulogy I'll write for it.

As I sit, its practically hissing! I daresay the poor thing may have the chills. Only about 2years of info is in my baby. Just the most important things I kept on my laptop until it died its fiery death. The blo'y thing is sending vibrations all over my desk and making me feel like I know absolutely nothing about anything, least of all computers- to which I credit my degree. I suppose the University will send a patrol man to confiscate my diploma now....or strike my name from the log.

The most annoying part of my babys cholera fit is that I was honestly just about to back it up.

--Here's hopping God will answer my prayers concerning a hard drive.

The Christening

2007-06-27T04:34:00.000-04:00

I think its rather fitting that I finally have a webblog, though considering my nature I probably should have started this a long time ago.

As it would happen, I am four days deep into the topic of the post, which is my wonderful little battle with malaria.

Friday evening I drove to Chicago with the family to show my Maple land cousin big city living. My hands are as cold as ice but we take that to be from the loving caress of our Windy City. Northwards of 11pm we are all sitting around a table in a dimly lit Naija themed restaurant called Bolat. Food arrives, I'm too nauseous to eat; we get home EARLY Saturday morning looking to give the figurative hay a run for its money.

Saturday I feel weak, figure its on account of the fact that I'm full of empty with cramps to boot. Add chills. Enter fever. Take my chakra down to half, at least.

Fast forward through waves of nausea, dry heaving in the worst imaginable form, and sleeping like a dog and here we are, too early on this Wednesday morning, blogging on an empty stomach that longs for pastas of a thousand flavors and freshly picked fruits. ........and I'm on a steady diet of 'eat that slice of toast slowly do you don't throw up'.

So there you have it. And so I christen you, my new blog, The Rantings of a Young Bee. May you outdo and outlive your predecessors and-
-And my stomach has just growled to remind me about that toast.